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    Headstones

    In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery: Here lies an Atheist All dressed up And no place to…
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    Chocolate Calories

    A good piece of chocolate has about 200 calories. As I enjoy 2 servings per night, and a…
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    Better Preaching

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    Planning Ahead

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    More Bumper Stickers

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    I Love My Job

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    Slow-Driving Grandma

    Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police…
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    The End is Near

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    Fish Heads

    A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and…
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    Dad Shopping

    In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with…
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    Taxing Sleeps

    A couple of weeks after hearing a sermon on Psalms 51:2-4 (knowing my own hidden secrets)…
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    Cancelling Cards

    Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so easy to…
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    Police Baste

    A State Police colleague of mine once received a call from a woman who asked him how to…
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    Suggestion Box

    The strict and unsmiling manager noticed that the suggestion box was missing from the…
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    Calling In Sick

    Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of…

This fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard.  He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws.  The dealer tells him, "Look, I have a lot of models, but why don't you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line model.  This chainsaw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day."

So, the man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees.  After cutting for several hours and only cutting two cords, he decides to quit.  He thinks there is something wrong with the chainsaw.  "How can I cut for hours and only cut two cords?" the man asks himself.  "I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day," the man tells himself.  So, the next morning the man gets up at 4 am in the morning and cuts and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and still he only manages to cut five cords.

The man is convinced this is a bad saw.  "The dealer told me it would cut one hundred cords of wood in a day, no problem.  I will take this saw back to the dealer," the man says to himself.

The very next day the man brings the saw back to the dealer and explains the problem.  The dealer, baffled by the man's claim, removes the chainsaw from the case.  The dealer says, "Hmm, it looks fine."

Then the dealer starts the chainsaw, to which the man responds, "What's that noise?

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