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    If Dr. Seuss Wrote for Star Trek: The Next Generation

    Picard: Sigma Indri, that's the star,So, Data, please, how far? How far? Data: Our ship…
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    Just Like Mother

    Manny was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends had already gotten married, and Manny…
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    Face Warning

    Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped…
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    First Sermon

    At his first service, the new preachers sermon was extremely long and dull. As he…
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    Welcome Home

    A mother was anxiously awaiting her daughter's plane. She had just come back from a far…
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    First Day

    Little Johnny was thrilled when his turn came to enter kindergarten. To make sure he had…
  • Doctor helps wife with husband's snoring

    Financing Surgery

    A woman had a medical problem - her husband's snoring. So, she called the doctor one…
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    Flower Switch

    A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for…
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    English Time

    In my English-as-a-second-language class, I explained the difference between a watch and…
  • investing

    Investments

    STOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will…
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    Deep Thoughts

    From an actual newspaper contest where entrants ages 4 to 15 were asked to imitate "Deep…
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    Gripe Comments

    After every flight, pilots fill out a form (called a "gripe sheet," at some airlines)…
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    Muddy General

    During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered…
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    Silly Mom

    Thanks to list member Lowell Guebert for sending in this real life, happened to her,…
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    Fridge Magnet Smiles

    You have all seen those little hand painted signs hung in so many kitchens. Many are…
*Winners of a Recent Theory Testing Contest*

HONOURABLE MENTION:
The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant.  If omitted in one place, they turn up in another.  When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in"erl wells."

RUNNERS-UP:

#4 The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation.  Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.

#3 Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate ideas at a faster rate.

#2 Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums.  This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it out.

#1 If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.


GRAND PRIZE WINNER
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down.  I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground.  With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.
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