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More Jokes

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    Tap Away

    During an attack of laryngitis I lost my voice completely for two days. To help me…
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    Family Picnic

    The service area was located on a main highway leading to the beach. The pump attendant…
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    Nativity Accent

    In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent…
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    Second Try

    Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m., I discovered that it had not been one…
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    Babysitting

    With some misgivings, we left a young babysitter in charge of our three energetic…
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    Mother Tongue

    I figured out why they call our language the "Mother Tongue." Fathers never get a chance…
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    More One-liners

    I can see clearly now, the brain is gone... Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay. Madness…
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    Allleeeee Oooop

    A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer…
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    Winter House

    We purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was…
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    Hacker Safety

    The hacker hit the ball into the rough and landed on an anthill.He tried three times to…
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    Swim of Love

    Once there was a millionaire who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in…
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    Bible Answer

    A father was approached by his small son, who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible…
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    Sunday Drive

    Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police…
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    Cry On for Crayons

    The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books. Willie came up to the…
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    Boy Scout Tips

    A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert. "What are the…

Things dogs should try to remember:

  • The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff even though I haven't got a chance to rip the bag to shreds to see what was in it.
  • I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
  • I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
  • I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
  • I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
  • I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up or have an accident.
  • I will not throw up in the car.
  • I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
  • I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
  • I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am haemorrhaging.
  • I will not take whatever I please and hide it under the bed so my people can have a scavenger hunt looking for it.
  • When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
  • The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
  • My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
  • I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
  • I will not stand around Mom when she is cooking or when she is carrying her coffee, so she won't trip over me.
  • I will not beg for food at the supper table, and especially not eat someone's food if they leave it for just a moment.
  • I will not tear up the patio furniture, or put holes in the screen so I may jump in and lounge, just because I don't want to stay outside for more than 2 minutes.
  • I will not chase the cat, and knock over breakable things in the process.
  • We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
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