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More Jokes

  • dog2

    How Much Are Your Dogs

    If you are not sure what a Goober is, there is a picture of one here. It seems this…
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    Dad Value

    A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo. The…
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    Moon Cheese

    For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese.Then the astronauts found…
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    English Time

    In my English-as-a-second-language class, I explained the difference between a watch and…
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    Happy Eggs

    One Sunday morning, while stationed at Osan Air Base in South Korea, I was in line for…
  • picture of elderly couple

    Sharing

    Uncle Sid and Aunt Sadie are in their eighties and have been married for more than sixty…
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    Automobile Acronyms

    AUDIAccelerates Under Demonic InfluenceAlways Unsafe Designs Implemented BMWBeautiful…
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    Strange Problem

    A young man, fresh out of college, went to see his doctor one day."Doc, there's something…
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    Top Nine Stupid Questions Received by the Chap Stick Hotline

    Top Nine Stupid Questions Received by the Chap Stick Hotline9. "Hi, is this the chopstick…
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    How To Train A Cat

    Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of…
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    Distraught Senior

    A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office."Is it true," she wanted to know,…
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    Politically Correct Statements

    Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive." Kids don't get grounded…
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    Definition of a Bar-B-Que

    Definition of a Bar-B-QueIt's the only type of cooking a real man will do. When a man…
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    Apology Letter

    Lisa, my co-worker at the travel agency, needed to send a letter of apology to a customer…
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    Just Like Mother

    Manny was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends had already gotten married, and Manny…

Things dogs should try to remember:

  • The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff even though I haven't got a chance to rip the bag to shreds to see what was in it.
  • I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
  • I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
  • I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
  • I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
  • I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up or have an accident.
  • I will not throw up in the car.
  • I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
  • I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
  • I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am haemorrhaging.
  • I will not take whatever I please and hide it under the bed so my people can have a scavenger hunt looking for it.
  • When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
  • The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
  • My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
  • I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
  • I will not stand around Mom when she is cooking or when she is carrying her coffee, so she won't trip over me.
  • I will not beg for food at the supper table, and especially not eat someone's food if they leave it for just a moment.
  • I will not tear up the patio furniture, or put holes in the screen so I may jump in and lounge, just because I don't want to stay outside for more than 2 minutes.
  • I will not chase the cat, and knock over breakable things in the process.
  • We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
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