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More Jokes

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    Mother's Intuition

    I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition. My sister left me alone in a…
  • great dane

    A Dog Named Bear

    Friends of ours owned a huge Great Dane named "Bear." He looked menacing but was actually…
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    Morning Kiss

    A farmer and his wife had just awakened one morning to the crowing of their rooster.…
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    Sixteen Steps to Build a Campfire

    1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers. 2. Bandage left…
  • picture of a wedding dress

    The Wedding Dress

    Betty was soon to be married. More than anything, she wanted to wear the wedding dress…
  • classroom

    Divy It Up

    Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her…
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    Midterm Exam

    The professor of a graduate-school class of gifted students included a HUGE amount of…
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    Kitchen Help

    My brother-in-law came home to an empty house one day and decided he would start dinner.…
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    Rules For Choosing A Superhero Name

    *Rules For Choosing A Superhero Name*1. Don't call yourself by your real name: e.g., Ms.…
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    Finkel's Fine

    A little woman called Mount Sinai Hospital. She said, Hello, darling, I'd like to talk…
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    Shopping Bags

    It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in front of me had a large…
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    The Student Mind During Final Exams

    Contents of The Student Mind During Final Exams 10% The prof. never covered this section!…
  • father's day triplets

    Four Waiting Fathers

    Four expectant fathers were in a Minnesota hospital waiting room while their wives were…
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    Dinosaur Highway

    A goober was taking the tour of a national park not long ago. The ranger mentioned to the…
  • police pull over

    Pull Over Cookies

    Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother in Canada, I was stopped by a state trooper…

Things dogs should try to remember:

  • The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff even though I haven't got a chance to rip the bag to shreds to see what was in it.
  • I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
  • I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
  • I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
  • I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
  • I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up or have an accident.
  • I will not throw up in the car.
  • I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
  • I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
  • I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am haemorrhaging.
  • I will not take whatever I please and hide it under the bed so my people can have a scavenger hunt looking for it.
  • When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
  • The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
  • My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
  • I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
  • I will not stand around Mom when she is cooking or when she is carrying her coffee, so she won't trip over me.
  • I will not beg for food at the supper table, and especially not eat someone's food if they leave it for just a moment.
  • I will not tear up the patio furniture, or put holes in the screen so I may jump in and lounge, just because I don't want to stay outside for more than 2 minutes.
  • I will not chase the cat, and knock over breakable things in the process.
  • We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
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