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More Jokes

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    Daaaad!

    A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later:"Da-ad...""What?""I'm…
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    Dress Code for Seniors

    Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go…
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    Reasons Why Farm Trucks Are Never Stolen

    * They have a range of about 20 miles before they overheat, break down or run out of…
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    Not as Bad as They Say

    Thanks to my good, Texan friend Walter Smith for this one.Chuck was sitting in an…
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    Babysitting

    With some misgivings, we left a young babysitter in charge of our three energetic…
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    Shopping Remote

    "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As…
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    Sister Cheer Up

    My sister and I are close, and that allows us to be honest with each other. One evening…
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    10 Most Wanted

    Little Sammy's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station.…
  • showerhead

    Too Distant / Too Close

    The showers in my daughter's dorm turned scalding hot whenever a toilet was flushed. To…
  • horse race

    Alllleee-oop!

    A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer…
  • man old1

    Grandpa Cut Up

    Many years ago, a grandfather bought a hobby horse by mail order as a birthday present…
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    You Know You're Really A Mom When . . .

    You Know You're Really A Mom When . . . 1. You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake…
  • tortoise

    Holding A Job

    A young man was a very slow worker and subsequently found it difficult to hold down a…
  • pictures of solar eclipse

    Eclipse Memos

    Memo from Director General to Manager: Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse…
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    Exercise Routine

    Here's the exercise program I am using to stay in shape this year. You might want to take…

Things dogs should try to remember:

  • The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff even though I haven't got a chance to rip the bag to shreds to see what was in it.
  • I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
  • I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
  • I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
  • I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
  • I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up or have an accident.
  • I will not throw up in the car.
  • I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
  • I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
  • I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am haemorrhaging.
  • I will not take whatever I please and hide it under the bed so my people can have a scavenger hunt looking for it.
  • When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
  • The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
  • My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
  • I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
  • I will not stand around Mom when she is cooking or when she is carrying her coffee, so she won't trip over me.
  • I will not beg for food at the supper table, and especially not eat someone's food if they leave it for just a moment.
  • I will not tear up the patio furniture, or put holes in the screen so I may jump in and lounge, just because I don't want to stay outside for more than 2 minutes.
  • I will not chase the cat, and knock over breakable things in the process.
  • We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
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