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More Jokes

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    Time Travel

    Unaware that Indianapolis is on Eastern Standard Time and Chicago on Central Standard…
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    Forest Fire Fly By

    The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest…
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    Fishing Wife

    "So, what's the matter?" asked one woman of her friend over coffee. "I thought you just…
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    NRA Thanksgiving

    Thanksgiving Day was approaching, and a family had received a Thanksgiving card with a…
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    Taking Down The Flag

    My husband was serving his last few years of military service on active duty with an Army…
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    Airport Security

    Working as a secretary at an international airport, my sister had an office adjacent to…
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    Fast Driver

    My mom has a lead foot, so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled us over as we…
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    Size 8 Shoes

    A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of shoes, size 8. The obviously well…
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    Political Correctness For Kids

    *Political Correctness For Kids*Your bedroom isn't cluttered; it's…
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    Chow

    "Chow looks wonderful," I told the mess sergeant, a large, intimidating man. "I'd love…
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    Foreign Pizza

    An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so…
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    Flight Control Software

    At a recent computer software engineering course in the US, the participants were given…
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    Cheap Motel

    One night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6am wake-up call. The next morning, I awoke…
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    Dental Mommy

    For the first time, my four-year-old daughter Kelsey was coming to my office to have me,…
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    Things Moms Would Never Say

    ~ "How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"~ "Yeah, I used to skip school a…

Things dogs should try to remember:

  • The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff even though I haven't got a chance to rip the bag to shreds to see what was in it.
  • I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
  • I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
  • I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
  • I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
  • I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up or have an accident.
  • I will not throw up in the car.
  • I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
  • I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
  • I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am haemorrhaging.
  • I will not take whatever I please and hide it under the bed so my people can have a scavenger hunt looking for it.
  • When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
  • The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
  • My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
  • I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
  • I will not stand around Mom when she is cooking or when she is carrying her coffee, so she won't trip over me.
  • I will not beg for food at the supper table, and especially not eat someone's food if they leave it for just a moment.
  • I will not tear up the patio furniture, or put holes in the screen so I may jump in and lounge, just because I don't want to stay outside for more than 2 minutes.
  • I will not chase the cat, and knock over breakable things in the process.
  • We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
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