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More Jokes

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    You know you're growing old when..

    You know you're growing old when..You've come to the annoying realization that your…
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    Surgery Plan

    We were on our way to the hospital where our 16-year-old daughter was scheduled to…
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    Altar Call

    A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service.After the…
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    ID Card

    The day I immigrated to the United States, I was given an alien ID card that featured a…
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    Dog Quotes

    "Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant." - Unknown "Whoever said you…
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    Waking Up Mad

    One day a man took the train from Paris to Frankfurt. When he got in he said to the…
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    Out of this World Restaurant (groaner)

    Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food, but no atmosphere.
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    Dad and Surgeon

    This older man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son,…
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    Political Correctness For Kids

    *Political Correctness For Kids*Your bedroom isn't cluttered; it's…
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    20 Like You

    A factory owner said to a store owner, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, for your patronage. I wish…
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    Attendance Sermons

    A man who hadn't attended church in years suddenly began attending faithfully on Sunday…
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    Yosemite Bears

    A married couple was vacationing in Yosemite. The wife expressed her concern about…
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    Toy Advice

    A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional…
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    Computer Users

    Computer users are divided into three types: Novice, Intermediate, and Expert. Novice…
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    Murphy's Laws on Computers

    *Murphy's Laws on Computers*- As soon as you delete a worthless file, you'll need it.-…

My Mother taught me LOGIC...
"If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."

My Mother taught me MEDICINE...
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."

My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD...
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"

My Mother taught me ESP...
"Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?"

My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE...
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you... Don't talk back to me!"

My Mother taught me HUMOR...
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.

My mother taught me ABOUT SEX...
"How do you think you got here?"

My mother taught me about GENETICS...
"You are just like your father!"

My mother taught me about my ROOTS...
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE...
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...
"Just wait until your father gets home."

My mother taught me about RECEIVING...
You are going to get it when we get home.

and my all time favorite thing - JUSTICE
"one day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU..then you'll see what it's like."

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