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    Beef Prices

    It's a summer holiday weekend and a man walks into a butcher shop which has a sign in the…
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    Advertising Terms Explained

    *Advertising Terms Explained*NEW - Different color from previous design.ALL NEW - Parts…
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    Cadet Sign

    When my brother was a cadet at the U.S. Air Force Academy, there was an overhead walkway…
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    Intercom Repair

    My friend's son worked at a fast-food restaurant when he was in high school. One night…
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    Goober Operator

    My daughter called me at work to say I was to phone Ian at my bank. When I called, the…
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    Translation Please

    A French guest, staying in a American hotel called room service for some pepper. "Black…
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    You Might Be an Engineer If...

    * You know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.* You chuckle…
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    Goober Painter

    Julie, the goober, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the…
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    Lemon-Aid

    A local bar was so sure its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a…
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    Windshield Wiper Quit

    Which windshield wiper blade always quits first? That's right -- the driver's side. This…
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    Better Trainer

    A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had designed some software for one of…
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    Singing Practice

    Joe's wife likes to sing so she decided to join the church choir. From time to time she…
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    Texas Cruise

    A Texas rancher, visiting a South Dakota farmer friend, asked him to show him his…
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    Leaving the Farm

    A dying granny tells her granddaughter, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the…
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    Pastors' Good News/Bad News

    Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river.Bad News: You lost two of them in…

My Mother taught me LOGIC...
"If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."

My Mother taught me MEDICINE...
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."

My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD...
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"

My Mother taught me ESP...
"Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?"

My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE...
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you... Don't talk back to me!"

My Mother taught me HUMOR...
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.

My mother taught me ABOUT SEX...
"How do you think you got here?"

My mother taught me about GENETICS...
"You are just like your father!"

My mother taught me about my ROOTS...
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE...
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...
"Just wait until your father gets home."

My mother taught me about RECEIVING...
You are going to get it when we get home.

and my all time favorite thing - JUSTICE
"one day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU..then you'll see what it's like."

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