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    Mom's Time Out

    My Parents had not been out together in quite some time.One Saturday, as Mom was…
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    Thanksgiving Grace

    My family traditionally begins the evening meal with a prayer of thanks. When they were…
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    Mom's Clarinet

    My Dad bought my Mom a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was…
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    Coast Guard Keeping

    My daughter Michelle is the commander of a Coast Guard Cutter. When she gave my husband…
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    Fearless Leader

    As a professor at Texas A & M, I taught during the day and did research at night. I would…
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    Didn't See That Coming

    The minister's little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the week that her…
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    Weight Training

    My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me,…
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    Cake Disaster

    Many years ago my just married young cousin moved into an upstairs apartment and invited…
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    Baseball Class

    A profesor at the University of Pennsylvania was known for giving boring, cliche-ridden…
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    New Boater

    This past summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of…
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    Surgery Plan

    We were on our way to the hospital where our 16-year-old daughter was scheduled to…
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    Shaving Comeback

    I can't say I've ever gotten a shave from a barber, but I've seen others who have. I was…
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    Lengthy Discourse

    A visiting minister was very long-winded. Worse, every time he would make a good point…
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    Coach Call

    As a high school football coach, I'm aware that student athletes tend to focus too much…
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    Doctor News

    A doctor walked into his office where one of his patients was sitting. The doctor told…

Don't say it.Did you know that hanging lights on a Christmas tree is one of the three most stressful situations in an on-going relationship? The other two danger zones are teaching your mate to drive and wallpapering.

We rush to print with an emergency prompt list of Things Not To Say When Hanging Lights on the Christmas Tree.

--"You've got two red lights right next to each other, Honey. You're supposed to go yellow, red, green, blue, not yellow, red, red, green, blue..."

--"Up a little higher. You can reach it. Go on, try."

--"What on earth do you do to these lights when you put them away every year? Tie them in knots?"

--"Come away from that aluminum ladder, kids. I'm going to fry that sucker."

--"If you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all. Don't just throw them on, like you do the icicles. You're worse than your father."

--"Give me that."

--"You've got the whole thing on the tree upside-down. The electric pluggie thing should be down here at the bottom, not up at the top."

--"I don't care if you have found another two strings, I'm done!."

--"You've just wound 'em around and around - I thought we agreed it shouldn't look like a spiral this year?"

--"Have you been drinking?"

--"Where's the cat?"

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