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  • tools

    Home Mechanic Tools

    Home Mechanics Tools and their usage: HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the…
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    39 And Holding

    A young child asked a woman how old she was. She answered, "39 and holding." The child…
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    Job Search Woe

    Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation. She was sure…
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    Rare Bible

    A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away…
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    Dog Applicant

    A sign was hung in an office window. It read: Help wanted. Must type 70 words a minute.…
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    Healthful Place

    Mr. Peterson, a tourist from Toronto, arrived in Barbados. In an airport taxi cab,…
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    New Appointment

    Defendant: Your Honor, I want you to appoint me another lawyer.Judge: And why is…
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    Things My Mother Taught Me

    My Mother taught me LOGIC..."If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go…
  • A funny joke about a man who takes up tennis later in life.

    Tennis Talk

    A manager was told by his doctor to take up some sport for exercise so he decided to play…
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    Gift Excitement

    The small girl had recently received a new watch and some perfume, which she was very…
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    Flower System

    An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his…
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    Ah, Newlyweds

    There are never any secrets! A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached,…
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    Nativity Accent

    In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent…
  • coins

    Yale Educated

    (Wondering what a goober is? You can see one here.) The bank manager noticed the new…
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    Priest Twin

    Our priest suddenly became ill and asked his twin brother, also a priest, to fill in for…
1.) Better save that.? We'll need it for the autopsy.
2.) Somebody call the janitor - we're going to need a mop
3.) 'Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness'
4.) Sparky!? Comeback with that!? Bad Dog!
5.) Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
6.) Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie
7.) Oh no!? I just lost my Rolex.
8.) Oops!? Hey, has anyone ever survived a full hypo of this tuffbefore?
9.) Everybody stand back!? I lost my contact lens!
10.) Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off
11.) What's this doing here?
12.) I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.
13.) That's cool!? now can you make his leg twitch?!
14.) I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.
15.) Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
16.) Sterile, shcmeril.? The floor's clean, right?
17.) Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
18.) Next, we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape.
19.) Now take a picture from this angle.? This is truly a freak of nature.
20.) This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
21.) Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
22.) Don't worry.? I think it is sharp enough.
23.) What do you mean 'You want a divorce'!
24.) She's gonna blow!? Everyone take cover!!!
25.) FIRE!? FIRE!? Everybody get out!
26.) 'And next week, we'll be learning how to stitch up a patient...'
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