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More Jokes

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    Signs Found In The Kitchen

    So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust! Martha Stewart doesn't live here!! Ring bell…
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    Help Line

    It's clear why these people needed to call a "help" line.------Customer: "I've been…
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    Goat for Dinner

    The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the…
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    Excerpts from Pet Diaries

    From the Dog.Day number 1808:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!9:30 am - OH BOY! A…
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    Minister Call

    A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar.During her struggle the…
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    Two Teas

    1st customer: . . . I'll have tea.2nd customer: . . . Me, too. And be sure the glass is…
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    Hymns vs. Choruses

    An old farmer went to the city one weekend and attended the big city church. He came home…
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    Untouched for 600 Years

    A group of American tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Europe. "This…
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    Most Famous Man

    A trio of old veterans were bragging about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one…
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    Actual Medical Records

    The following are actual medical records taken from patients' charts around North…
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    Cleaning Instructions

    I bought a great new toilet seat recently.On the label was a suggestion on how to clean…
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    Broken Bone

    While leading a tour of kindergarten students through our hospital, I overheard a…
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    Scared Smart

    As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in several night-time exercises. Once,…
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    Three Important Words

    At my granddaughter's wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married…
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movie seats- It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

- If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

- Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

- When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

- No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

- Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

- When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other. If they're villains, they will probably speak with an English accent.

- You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

- Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

- An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

- Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

(You'll find the second part of this list here.)

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