More Jokes

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    Honest Mechanic

    I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me…
  • deer hunting jokes

    Deer Hunting

    A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one…
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    Bear Flight

    During Operation Desert Storm, I was a legislative affairs officer for Gen. Norman…
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    Vacation Term Translation

    *Vacation Term Translation*In case any of you are still thinking about picking a vacation…
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    Keeping Warm

    (switch this one around to suit your favourite/favorite make) Chevy has added wires to…
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    The Perfect Man

    The finalist has been named in the worldwide search for the perfect man.After careful…
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    Football Signals

    A three-year-old in the congregation regularly watched football games with his father. So…
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    Honeymoon Toast

    One of my daughter's wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she…
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    Tracing Family

    Dear Abby:I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford to…
  • computer keyboard

    Out-of-Office Replies

    I don't know about you, but I find those "Out-of-the-Office" e-mail auto-replies very…
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    Clothing Return

    While working in a clothing store, I noticed that people had no shame about returning…
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    Out of Gas Options

    The young woman sat in her stalled car, waiting for help. Finally two men walked up to…
  • plane war

    Commando Moses

    Nine year old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. "Well,…
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    Community Paper

    Glenelg, Maryland is such a small community, I was surprised that they had a community…
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    Professional Animal Trainer

    As a professional animal trainer, I was disturbed when my own dog developed a bad habit.…

movie seats- It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

- If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

- Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

- When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

- No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

- Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

- When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other. If they're villains, they will probably speak with an English accent.

- You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

- Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

- An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

- Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

(You'll find the second part of this list here.)

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