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    Economy Motel

    One night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6:00 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, I…
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    Interactive Weather

    Our part of the country had gone for weeks with little or no rain. The TV weatherman, on…
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    Whale Speak

    An expert on whales was telling friends about some of the unusual findings he had made.…
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    Warning Sign

    Vacationing in Alaska, I couldn't help but notice all the warnings about bears posted in…
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    Lawyer Questioning

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    Doctor News

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    Homilies To Live By

    Homilies To Live ByGive a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to…
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    Lost in the Woods

    Two hunters got lost in the woods. The first hunter said, "Don't worry. All we have to do…
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    Coffee Vending Machine

    A man put his fifty cents in a vending machine and watched helplessly while the cup…
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    Mom's Bath Note

    Dear Kids, Don't be alarmed, the world isn't coming to an end. I am simply taking a bath.…
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    Musings

    * A bus station is where a bus stops.A train station is where a train stops.My desk is my…
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    Golf Lesson

    This fellow's wife was constantly nagging him to teach her to play golf. Finally, one…
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    Tech Support Fun

    A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.The tech asked her if…
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    Golf Survey

    My job as a land surveyor took me to a golf course that was expanding from 9 holes to 18…
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    Bob's MG

    I was driving the other day and came up on a VW Beetle with a license plate reading 'BOBS…
Philadelphia's Highway Patrol officers hear all kinds of creative excuses that drivers give for speeding. Here are some of the officers' favorites. By the way, none of them worked.
  • A man told the officer he was rushing to the hospital because he had been stung by a bee, and was allergic. "There's the bee right there," he said, pointing to his dashboard. The officer looked. The bee was not only dead, but in an advanced state of decomposition.
  • An officer stopped a man doing 80 mph. When he asked the driver whether he had seen the speed-limit signs, the man responded, "I went by them so fast I probably missed them."
  • A man going south on I-95 was stopped near Washington Avenue doing 79 mph. "My engine misses, and I'm trying to clean out the carburetor," he told the officer. For good measure, he added, "If I don't go this fast, my car won't go at all."
  • "I'm due in traffic court," one speeder said. "If I'm late they're going to enforce the bench warrant."
  • When an officer told a speeder that the speed limit on the Schuylkill Expressway was 50 mph, the driver responded, "Officer, where have you been? It's 65 now."
  • One speeder said simply, "I'm trying to beat my wife home. Don't ask."
  • An elderly person was stopped after doing 73 mph. When told he was getting a ticket, he asked the officer, "Is there a senior citizen's discount?"
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