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    Lumberjack

    A man comes up to the owner of a lumberjack business and says, "I need a job and I think…
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    Tired Son

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    The Head Hog

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    Y to K Problem

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    Good Morning

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    Speeding Stories

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    Instrument Test

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    Larger Than 20

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    You Know It's Hot Outside When…

    You Know It's Hot Outside When...**you ask your boss for extra work so you can be in the…
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    Personalized Plate

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    Mouse Mom

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    No Frills Airlines

    ...they don't sell tickets, they sell chances. ...all the insurance machines in the…
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    Time Off

    Two men working in a factory were talking. "I know how to get some time off," said…
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    Murphy’s Laws of Parenting

    - The later you stay up, the earlier your child will wake up the next morning. - The…
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    Full Pockets

    A small boy stunned his parents when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes and…
Philadelphia's Highway Patrol officers hear all kinds of creative excuses that drivers give for speeding. Here are some of the officers' favorites. By the way, none of them worked.
  • A man told the officer he was rushing to the hospital because he had been stung by a bee, and was allergic. "There's the bee right there," he said, pointing to his dashboard. The officer looked. The bee was not only dead, but in an advanced state of decomposition.
  • An officer stopped a man doing 80 mph. When he asked the driver whether he had seen the speed-limit signs, the man responded, "I went by them so fast I probably missed them."
  • A man going south on I-95 was stopped near Washington Avenue doing 79 mph. "My engine misses, and I'm trying to clean out the carburetor," he told the officer. For good measure, he added, "If I don't go this fast, my car won't go at all."
  • "I'm due in traffic court," one speeder said. "If I'm late they're going to enforce the bench warrant."
  • When an officer told a speeder that the speed limit on the Schuylkill Expressway was 50 mph, the driver responded, "Officer, where have you been? It's 65 now."
  • One speeder said simply, "I'm trying to beat my wife home. Don't ask."
  • An elderly person was stopped after doing 73 mph. When told he was getting a ticket, he asked the officer, "Is there a senior citizen's discount?"
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