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    The Next One

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    Cure For Lateness

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    Rattlesnake Ammo

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    The Night Shift

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    Poor Widow

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    Babysitting

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    Goober Golf Dispute

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    Dog Meters

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    Shaving Comeback

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    Computer Users

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    Sewing Lesson

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    Beauty Watch

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Philadelphia's Highway Patrol officers hear all kinds of creative excuses that drivers give for speeding. Here are some of the officers' favorites. By the way, none of them worked.
  • A man told the officer he was rushing to the hospital because he had been stung by a bee, and was allergic. "There's the bee right there," he said, pointing to his dashboard. The officer looked. The bee was not only dead, but in an advanced state of decomposition.
  • An officer stopped a man doing 80 mph. When he asked the driver whether he had seen the speed-limit signs, the man responded, "I went by them so fast I probably missed them."
  • A man going south on I-95 was stopped near Washington Avenue doing 79 mph. "My engine misses, and I'm trying to clean out the carburetor," he told the officer. For good measure, he added, "If I don't go this fast, my car won't go at all."
  • "I'm due in traffic court," one speeder said. "If I'm late they're going to enforce the bench warrant."
  • When an officer told a speeder that the speed limit on the Schuylkill Expressway was 50 mph, the driver responded, "Officer, where have you been? It's 65 now."
  • One speeder said simply, "I'm trying to beat my wife home. Don't ask."
  • An elderly person was stopped after doing 73 mph. When told he was getting a ticket, he asked the officer, "Is there a senior citizen's discount?"
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