logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Do Something Nice

    Unable to attend the funeral after his Uncle Charlie died, a man who lived far away…
  • Default Image

    Almost Redialed

    I still have a lot of trouble with wrong numbers. Yesterday I dialed the Red Cross and…
  • Default Image

    The Vet and The Doc

    A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the…
  • Default Image

    Checking Newbie

    Her teenage son was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing his new…
  • shopping3

    Divider Return

    I was checking out at the local Albertsons with just a few items and the lady behind me…
  • Default Image

    If Dr. Seuss Wrote for Star Trek: The Next Generation

    Picard: Sigma Indri, that's the star,So, Data, please, how far? How far? Data: Our ship…
  • Default Image

    Seatmate Choice

    The plane was only half-full. When an attractive young woman asked if the seat next to…
  • Default Image

    Gift Parrot

    There was a man who travelled all around the world.Every city he stopped in he would buy…
  • Default Image

    Absent Minded Professor

    One of the world's greatest scientists was also recognized as the original absent-minded…
  • public speaking

    PTA Speakers

    As a traffic safety consultant, I often gave talks to organizations on accident…
  • Default Image

    Afraid of The Dark

    A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back…
  • Default Image

    Division of Labor

    The Rosenthals had an outstandingly happy and successful marriage, and Mr. Rosenthal was…
  • Default Image

    Pig Call

    A church secretary takes a call. The caller says ,"Is the head hog at the trough…
  • Default Image

    You Know You Are Over the Hill When

    1. You find yourself beginning to like accordion music. 2. You're sitting on a park bench…
  • Default Image

    Nephew Caddy

    My five-year-old nephew wanted to caddy for my brother's golf game. "You have to count my…

Picture of a student pilotTips for student pilots.

1. Takeoffs are optional. Landings are mandatory.

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller.

3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is dangerous.

4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.

5. The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.

7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.

8. A "good" landing is one from which you can walk away. A "great" landing is one after which they can use the plane again.

9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.

11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival equals a small probability of survival -- and vice versa.

12. Never let an airplane take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.

13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction.

14. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.

15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing.

Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

17. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

18. If all you can see out of the windscreen is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, experience usually comes from bad judgment.

21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.

22. There are old pilots and there are bold pilots. There are, however, no old, bold pilots.

23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.

24. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of takeoffs you've made.

25. The three most useless things to a pilot are altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.

And a bonus tip:

Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

Powered By JFBConnect