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    Eye Exam

    Eye-examination charts vary according to the manufacturer, but one thing they have in…
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    Lunch and Learn

    The company I work for sometimes holds "Lunch and Learn" seminars for employees during…
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    Kissing Son

    I was in line at a restaurant. In front of me was a mother with her college-age son and…
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    Read The Label

    It was in the early 1960's and spray deodorant, new to the market, was being advertised…
  • cat lying down

    Politically Correct Cat Terms

    Politically correct terms for cat owners: - My cat does not barf hairballs, he is a…
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    Reading Glasses

    I took my 5 year old grandson to the optometrist to pick up his new glasses. The glasses…
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    Cherokee 180

    One day, the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active…
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    Out-of-Office Replies

    I don't know about you, but I find those "Out-of-the-Office" e-mail auto-replies very…
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    Horse Batter

    On the first day of Spring Training, a baseball scout brings a horse with him to add to…
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    Feeding the Baby

    My husband is wonderful with our baby daughter, but often he turns to me for advice.…
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    Watergate Bug

    A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel. The new bride is concerned and asked, "What…
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    Shhhhhh!

    A father had three very active boys. One summer evening, he was playing cops and robbers…
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    Blind Pilots

    One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting…
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    Television Bloopers - British Style

    "Liz Taylor is recovering in hospital after having had a benign tuna removed from just…
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    Got the Munchies?

    Mrs. Jones had been steadfast in her local congregation for many years and that is why…

~ Never squat with your spurs on!

~ Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.

~ There's two theories to arguin' with a woman....
Neither one works.

~ Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew.
Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger than you think.

~ If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

~ After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.  He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.  The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

~ If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

~ Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.

~ It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

~ Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

~ Good judgement comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.

~ Always drink upstream from the herd.

~ Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.

~ If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

~ When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.

~ When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.

~ Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back.

~ Always take a good look at what you're about to eat.
It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.

~ The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

~ Never miss a good chance to shut up.

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