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More Jokes

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    Plus or Minus One

    In a contest in The Washington Post, readers were asked to take an expression using a…
  • woman old

    End Nail Biting

    Two elderly women were fussing about their husbands over tea one day. "I do wish my Leroy…
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    Hearing Loss

    A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used…
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    Little Benjamin

    Little Benjamin came running into the kitchen where is mother was working. "Mom, can I…
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    Understanding the Signs

    Over the years, my husband and I have usually managed to decode the cute but confusing…
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    Toaster Request

    When my son was two or three and learning the ways of American life, he watched me place…
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    Blessed Be The Tie

    A guy walking in the desert desperately needed a drink. As he followed the dunes, he came…
  • class room

    Tough Teacher

    A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of…
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    I'm Not Sure

    When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure.""Look in…
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    Office Visit

    A middle-aged man walks into a psychologist's office wearing a dancer's tutu, flippers…
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    Strange 911 Calls

    *Strange 911 Calls*A call came into 911 Emergency because two couples were going to share…
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    Tea Service

    One day my mother was out and my dad was looking after me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old…
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    Losing New Balls

    Morris had been playing golf for years. He always used the very finest equipment, but his…
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    Singing Practice

    Joe's wife likes to sing so she decided to join the church choir. From time to time she…
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    Fish Fight Story

    Doug was describing a 30-pound bass he'd caught recently, after fighting it for three…

~ Never squat with your spurs on!

~ Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.

~ There's two theories to arguin' with a woman....
Neither one works.

~ Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew.
Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger than you think.

~ If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

~ After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.  He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.  The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

~ If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

~ Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.

~ It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

~ Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

~ Good judgement comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.

~ Always drink upstream from the herd.

~ Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.

~ If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

~ When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.

~ When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.

~ Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back.

~ Always take a good look at what you're about to eat.
It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.

~ The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

~ Never miss a good chance to shut up.

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