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    Get Me Out

    My husband David's colleague at a package-processing center was trapped in a small rest…
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    Quit Bothering Us

    We had spent the day moving from our farmhouse into our new house in town. Early the next…
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    Need a Pen?

    A patient at the dental office where I was a receptionist stopped by my desk to pay her…
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    Taps System

    During an attack of laryngitis I lost my voice completely for two days. To help me…
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    Things You May Hear Just Before Unemployment

    *Things You May Hear Just Before Unemployment* - I don't know what we'll do without you,…
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    Pie Manners

    In a country home that seldom had guests, the young son was eager to help his mother…
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    Money Call

    A young man was having some money problems, and needed $200 to get his car fixed and…
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    Maid Mother

    For all their lives, my three sons have been told they have to do their chores around the…
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    Cafeteria Sign

    Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of…
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    Actual Hiker Comments

    These are actual comments left last year on Forest Service registration sheets and…
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    Dollar Math

    "If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you…
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    Job Application

    This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's fast-food…
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    Sixteen Steps to Build a Campfire

    1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers. 2. Bandage left…
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    Signs You Are In For A Long Sermon

    Top Ten Signs You Are In For A Long Sermon10. There's a case of bottled water beside the…
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    Coffee Pain

    Linda and Jill were chatting over coffee.Said Linda, "I've been experiencing a strange…

~ Never squat with your spurs on!

~ Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.

~ There's two theories to arguin' with a woman....
Neither one works.

~ Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew.
Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger than you think.

~ If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

~ After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.  He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.  The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

~ If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

~ Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.

~ It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

~ Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

~ Good judgement comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.

~ Always drink upstream from the herd.

~ Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.

~ If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

~ When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.

~ When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.

~ Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back.

~ Always take a good look at what you're about to eat.
It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.

~ The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

~ Never miss a good chance to shut up.

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