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    Soccer Quotes

    "My parents have been there for me. Ever since I was about seven.'DAVID BECKHAM "I would…
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    Dinosaur Highway

    A goober was taking the tour of a national park not long ago. The ranger mentioned to the…
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    Happy Birthday Line

    Because of a minor infraction, a shipmate of mine aboard the USS Reeves, bound for Japan,…
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    Popping Ears

    Aboard a flight from L.A. to New York, Grandma Esther was taking her very first flight.…
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    Ice Cream Flavors

    The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, "What kinds of ice cream do you…
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    Stockbroker's Secretary

    The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one morning."I'm sorry," she said, "Mr.…
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    Hearing Test

    A man goes to his doctor and says "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used…
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    From the Beginning

    My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage.He told me that he knew…
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    Church Bulletin Bloopers

    The following have all genuinely appeared in church bulletins!* Next weekend's Fasting &…
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    Bunch Of Laughs

    Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed: The Gate of…
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    Word Impatience

    Our five-year-old son went to a church conference with my wife and me. He got restless,…
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    The Haircut

    A young man had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister,…
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    Fasten Your Seatbelts

    Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the…
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    Wilderness Trip

    The first carload of Boy Scouts had left my house minutes earlier, bound for our…
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    Ravine Golfing

    One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing.Ben sliced his ball deep into a…
10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was for $20,000.
9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes 3 years running.
8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.
7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office computer network goes down.
6. Somehow gets HBO on his PC at work.
5. Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeez" 95 times during the movie "The Net."
4. Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.
3. His video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among hobbies.
2. When his computer starts up, you hear, "Good Morning, Mr. President."
1. You hear him murmur, "Let's see you use that Visa card now, Professor I-Don't-Give-A's-In-Computer-Science!"
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