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More Jokes

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    Calling In Sick

    Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of…
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    Education At Work

    "What's the usual tip?" a man growled when, Jason, a college student delivered his pizza.…
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    Keyboard Switch

    For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers…
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    Where did I come from?

    One day our Little niece Rita went up to her mother and asked, "Mom, where did I come…
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    Second Try

    Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m., I discovered that it had not been one…
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    Crossing Lesson

    There's a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming…
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    Refueling

    Once my wife and I had to take a flight that had 4 other stops before arriving at the…
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    Bosses Night

    At an annual Bosses Night dinner for Helena, Montana, lawyers, sponsored by legal…
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    10 Easy Ways To Say No

    I'd love to, but...1 I have to floss my cat.2 I've dedicated my life to linguini.3 I want…
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    School Notes

    The following notes from parents excusing their children from attending school have been…
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    Where's God?

    Two brothers in a small town were well-known as trouble makers. If there was a problem in…
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    Scared Smart

    As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in several night-time exercises. Once,…
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    Mellowing Mom

    I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers. One night I was chatting with my…
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    How does a home schooler change a light bulb?

    Q: How does a home schooler change a light bulb? A: First, mom checks three books on…

Top Ten Things You NEVER Want to Hear the Orkin Man Say

10) "EEEEEKKK!!!!!!"

9) "Exterminator down! Exterminator down! Send backup!!! Extermin..."

8) "The GOOD news is... you have termites."

7) "Do you happen to have a large net?"

6) "You know, I'm also a taxidermist."

5) "Ma'am, I'm afraid you need to let me take the oatmeal raisin cookies with me."

4) "FIRE IN THE HOLE!"

3) "Hi, I'm Willie Nelson and I'll be your exterminator today."

2) "Duck!"

1) "Shazbot! I accidentally killed Mindy!"

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