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    Foreign Languages

    A Swiss guy visited Sydney, Australia, and pulled up at a bus stop where two locals were…
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    Checking In

    Brad and Mike are two old retired widowers who reside close to each other and do constant…
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    Computer Error

    I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Bob the computer guy, to come over.…
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    Turkey Shopping

    It was Christmas Eve in a supermarket and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few…
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    Pilot Humor

    Here are some actual maintenance complaints generally known as squawks or problems…
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    Hymns For The Aging

    *Hymns for the Aging* Precious Lord, Take my Hand (And Help Me Get Up) It is Well with My…
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    Maritime Museum

    Some midshipmen were tasked at the maritime museum to do the "dirty work" of restoring a…
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    Texas Cruise

    A Texas rancher, visiting a South Dakota farmer friend, asked him to show him his…
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    Raise Refusal

    For many years I worked as a receptionist and switchboard operator at a busy company.…
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    Mr. Jones Is History

    Mr. Jones, the elementary school principal, made it a practice to visit the classes from…
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    Shopping Bags

    It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in front of me had a large…
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    More Laws of Life

    * Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the…
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    Sunday School Trap

    The youth director had been trying for months to get the little boy down the street to…
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    Flower Switch

    A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for…
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    It Pays to Read Labels

    I finally figured out why I am so "full-figured"!As I was conditioning my hair in the…

Top Ten Things You NEVER Want to Hear the Orkin Man Say

10) "EEEEEKKK!!!!!!"

9) "Exterminator down! Exterminator down! Send backup!!! Extermin..."

8) "The GOOD news is... you have termites."

7) "Do you happen to have a large net?"

6) "You know, I'm also a taxidermist."

5) "Ma'am, I'm afraid you need to let me take the oatmeal raisin cookies with me."

4) "FIRE IN THE HOLE!"

3) "Hi, I'm Willie Nelson and I'll be your exterminator today."

2) "Duck!"

1) "Shazbot! I accidentally killed Mindy!"

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