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More Jokes

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    One-liners

    1. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.2. Make yourself at home! Clean my…
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    Astute Visionaries?

    "Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."--Popular Mechanics,…
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    Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

    One afternoon, I was in the backyard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog…
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    Personalized Plate

    While waiting in line at the Department of Vehicle Services for my personalized license…
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    Blessed Be The Tie

    A guy walking in the desert desperately needed a drink. As he followed the dunes, he came…
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    Department Baseball

    An interoffice softball game was held every year between the marketing and support staff…
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    Arizona Rain

    A visitor once asked, "Does it ever rain in Arizona?" A rancher quickly answered, "Yes,…
  • Doctor helps wife with husband's snoring

    Financing Surgery

    A woman had a medical problem - her husband's snoring. So, she called the doctor one…
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    Security Tips

    The following are notices that homeowners can place in a few strategic locations to keep…
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    Hymns vs. Choruses

    THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HYMNS AND PRAISE CHORUSES An old farmer went to the city one…
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    Exam Help

    The final exam in electrical engineering worried my son, Don. On the last day of class,…
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    Ah, Newlyweds

    There are never any secrets! A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached,…
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    Things That Make You Go "Ummmmmmm????"

    If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? Instead of talking to your…
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    Finkel's Fine

    A little woman called Mount Sinai Hospital. She said, Hello, darling, I'd like to talk…
  • Signs of our Time

    Signs of the Times

    In a veterinarian's office:"All unattended children given free kitten" In the parking lot…

10.  Well, how 'bout that?  I'm lost!  Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.

9.  You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates.  Won't that be fun?

8.  I noticed that all your friends have a certain hostile attitude.  I like that.

7.  Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car.  GO CRAZY!!

6.  What do you mean you wanna play football?  Figure skating's not good enough for you, son?

5.  Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend.  You might want to consider throwing a party.

4.  Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car.  Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies--ya know--that makes it run or something.  Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.

3.  No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring.  Now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.

2.  Whaddya wanna go and get a job for?  I make plenty of money for you to spend.

1.  What do I want for my birthday?  Aahh -- don't worry about that.  It's no big deal.  (Okay, they might say it.  But they don't mean it)

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