More Jokes

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    Getting Out

    During a field exercise at Camp Lejeune, N.C., my squad was on a night patrol through…
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    If You Love Something Variations

    THE ORIGINAL VERSION:If you love something,Set it free...If it comes back, it's yours;If…
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    Goober Puzzle

    One morning this goober calls her friend and says "Please come over and help me. I have…
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    She had a wedding to go to, and needed a wedding gift. Aha, she thought, I have that…
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    Quantum Date

    Every Friday after work, a mathematician goes down to the Ice Cream Parlor, sits in the…
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    A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher.…
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    The Gift That Keeps On Giving

    This is a really long item, but well worth the read! The one present Roy Collette wasn't…
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    Learning From Snowmen

    "All I Need to Know about Life I Learned From a Snowman.... " It's okay if you're a…
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    Change Help

    A kind-hearted motorist saw a man struggling to change a tire alongside the highway, and…
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    Someone Is Knocking

    A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners. All…
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    Things Mom Doesn't Want To Hear

    "Mom's List Of Things She Does Not Want To Hear"1. I swallowed the goldfish.2. Your…
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    Red Light - Green Light

    Ralph and his friend were driving through town when they came to a red light. Cruising…
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    You Know You've Had Too Much Coffee When

    You Know You've Had Too Much Coffee When . . .* You can type sixty words a minute with…
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    Listen For The Word

    Our five-year-old son went to a church conference with my wife and me. He got restless,…
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    Speeding Registration

    On a long drive from Virginia, I thought I was traveling at a reasonable speed, but the…

Top Tips For Cheapskates

~ Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

~ When reading a book, try tearing out the pages as you read them. This saves the expense of buying a bookmark, and the pages can later be used for shopping lists.

~ Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb

~ Drill a one-inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed.

~ Avoid being wheel-clamped by jacking your car up, removing the wheels and locking them safely in the car until you return.

~ Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers to "fast wipe"

whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

~ Take your trash can to the supermarket with you so that you can see which items you have recently run out of.

~ No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in duct tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

~ Expensive hair gels are a con. Marmalade is a much cheaper alternative, but beware of bees in the summer.

~ Avoid cutting yourself while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

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