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More Jokes

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    Delivery Suspicion

    There was an unexpected knock on my door, and like I always do I first opened the…
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    Today's Little Axioms

    1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.2. He who laughs last, thinks…
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    Soap and Water

    A minister was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners, who he knew was an unkempt…
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    Freshman's Blind Date

    "How was your blind date?" a freshman college student asked her roommate. "Terrible!" the…
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    Brotherly Chores

    Drew and Timmy were brothers. One day Mom and Dad had to go into town. Dad told Drew,…
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    Vampire Bat

    A young vampire bat came flapping in from the night, covered in fresh blood and perched…
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    Punishment Withheld

    Teacher: " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also…
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    Resurrection Update

    A singing group call "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a church.Everyone was…
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    Shakespearean in Dallas

    A kid and his mom were walking on the sidewalk in Dallas. The kid, being 100% Texan, upon…
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    Laws of Computing

    *Laws of Computing* * When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to…
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    Family Loop

    Many, many years agoWhen I was twenty three,I got married to a widow,Pretty as could be.…
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    Money Worries

    Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. He was…
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    If Dr. Seuss Wrote Technical Manuals

    If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very…
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    Arguing

    The other day, Nancy and I got into some petty argument. (I say it was petty. She would…
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    Applause

    A famous football coach was on vacation with his family in Maine. When they walked into a…

Top Tips For Cheapskates

~ Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

~ When reading a book, try tearing out the pages as you read them. This saves the expense of buying a bookmark, and the pages can later be used for shopping lists.

~ Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb

~ Drill a one-inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed.

~ Avoid being wheel-clamped by jacking your car up, removing the wheels and locking them safely in the car until you return.

~ Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers to "fast wipe"

whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

~ Take your trash can to the supermarket with you so that you can see which items you have recently run out of.

~ No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in duct tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

~ Expensive hair gels are a con. Marmalade is a much cheaper alternative, but beware of bees in the summer.

~ Avoid cutting yourself while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

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