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More Jokes

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    Horse Batter

    On the first day of Spring Training, a baseball scout brings a race horse with him to add…
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    Foot Pill

    A man limped into a hospital to have his foot X-rayed, and was asked to wait for the…
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    Pastor's Golf Sunday

    There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be…
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    Homework Excuses

    Excuses to give your teacher when you don't do your homework.- I didn't do my history…
  • A young boy watches his dad help birth a calf.

    Calf Birth

    A man was helping one of his cows give birth when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing…
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    Missing The Obvious

    One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy…
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    Dog House Rules Progression

    1. Dogs are never permitted in the house. The dog stays outside in a specially built…
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    Whispering In Church

    A mother took her little boy to church.While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I…
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    Why Dogs Can't Use Computers

    *Why Dogs Can't Use Computers*10. He's distracted by cats chasing his mouse.9. SIT and…
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    Kitten Saga

    The pastor of a local church had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and was…
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    Goober Quotes

    I got some bad news today. You know the money you get from those ATM machines? It comes…
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    Finally Heard

    Heather and Marcy hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for lunch.The…
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    Expecting

    "How does Jamie like being pregnant?" Danny asked his friend Ryan."Oh, she's not…
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    Head First Entry

    A jeweler standing behind the counter of his shop after hours was astounded to see a…
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    Breathe

    A lady on a commuter train was reading a newspaper article about life and death…

Top Tips For Cheapskates

~ Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

~ When reading a book, try tearing out the pages as you read them. This saves the expense of buying a bookmark, and the pages can later be used for shopping lists.

~ Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb

~ Drill a one-inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed.

~ Avoid being wheel-clamped by jacking your car up, removing the wheels and locking them safely in the car until you return.

~ Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers to "fast wipe"

whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

~ Take your trash can to the supermarket with you so that you can see which items you have recently run out of.

~ No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in duct tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

~ Expensive hair gels are a con. Marmalade is a much cheaper alternative, but beware of bees in the summer.

~ Avoid cutting yourself while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

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