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More Jokes

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    Funeral Music

    At our local crematorium families are given the chance to chose the music CD they would…
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    Remembering Names

    When I was introduced to a couple visiting our congregation, I decided to remember their…
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    I Hope I'm Sick

    A fellow was sitting in the doctor's waiting room, and said to himself every so often,…
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    The Night of Tax Day

    Twas the night of Tax Day, and all thru the house,Every creature was whirring, even the…
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    Cowboy and The Preacher

    One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were…
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    Translation Tries

    A Latin American minister was touring the U.S. in an effort to boost financial support…
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    Late Excuse

    Harry came into the office an hour late for the third time in a week. "What's the story…
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    Things It Takes Most Of Us 50 Years To Learn

    1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.2.…
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    Deputy Goober

    The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Goober - who was not exactly the sharpest…
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    Community Paper

    Glenelg, Maryland is such a small community, I was surprised that they had a community…
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    For Sale Sign

    A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee when she spotted a charming…
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    Actual Newspaper Headlines (collected by journalists)

    1. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says2. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down…
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    Toy Advice

    A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional…
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    Notice

    PLEASE NOTICE:You may have noticed the increased amount of notices for you to notice.…
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    Goober In Library

    A goober walked up to the front desk of the library and said, "I borrowed a book last…

Top Tips For Cheapskates

~ Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

~ When reading a book, try tearing out the pages as you read them. This saves the expense of buying a bookmark, and the pages can later be used for shopping lists.

~ Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb

~ Drill a one-inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed.

~ Avoid being wheel-clamped by jacking your car up, removing the wheels and locking them safely in the car until you return.

~ Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers to "fast wipe"

whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

~ Take your trash can to the supermarket with you so that you can see which items you have recently run out of.

~ No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in duct tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

~ Expensive hair gels are a con. Marmalade is a much cheaper alternative, but beware of bees in the summer.

~ Avoid cutting yourself while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

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