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    Abe Lincoln's Age

    A father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the…
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    Arm Injury

    The brilliant lawyer F. E. Smith once defended a bus driver against claims that his…
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    Are you a Grinch? Test

    *"Are you a Grinch?" Test*1. You reuse last year's Christmas cards and send them out…
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    Family Support

    The prospective father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family?” The surprised…
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    Elf Pet Peeves

    *Elf Pet Peeves*7. Toil for 364 days a year just to make children smile and no one gives…
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    Insurance Claims

    These are from insurance forms in which drivers were asked to explain their disasters in…
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    Goober Exam

    The Goober reported for her University final examination, which consisted of"yes/no" type…
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    Ten Things A Cat Thinks About

    *Ten Things A Cat Thinks About*1. I could have sworn I heard the can opener.2. Is there…
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    When One Shows Up

    A preacher prepared for Sunday morning service, but only one person, a farmer, was there.…
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    Best Out Of Office Replies

    Best Out Of Office Replies1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you…
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    Lost Turnabout

    Driving to a new restaurant, a woman took several wrong turns. When she finally found the…
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    Doctor's Orders

    Doctor: "I see you're over a month late for your appointment. Don't you know that nervous…
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    Golf Beginner

    A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers.Thinking he'd try the game, he…
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    Dear Milkman…

    Dear Milkman..."Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one.""Please…
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    Favorite Animal

    Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said…

Top Tips For Cheapskates

~ Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

~ When reading a book, try tearing out the pages as you read them. This saves the expense of buying a bookmark, and the pages can later be used for shopping lists.

~ Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb

~ Drill a one-inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed.

~ Avoid being wheel-clamped by jacking your car up, removing the wheels and locking them safely in the car until you return.

~ Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers to "fast wipe"

whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

~ Take your trash can to the supermarket with you so that you can see which items you have recently run out of.

~ No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in duct tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

~ Expensive hair gels are a con. Marmalade is a much cheaper alternative, but beware of bees in the summer.

~ Avoid cutting yourself while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

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