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More Jokes

  • childrens hands

    Starting Over

    The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have…
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    Boat 99

    At a boat-rental concession, the manager went to the lake's edge and yelled through his…
  • A joke about a boss's speech that goes too long.

    Blah Blah Blah

    The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he asked one of his…
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    Sponge Mistake

    In the doctors office two patients are talking."You know, I had an appendectomy last…
  • woman3

    Musings

    * A bus station is where a bus stops.A train station is where a train stops.My desk is my…
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    Australian Military Helicopter Simulation

    This is supposedly a true story from a recent Defence Science Lectures Series, as related…
  • officer navy

    Wedding Pass

    A friend of mine joined the Navy and soon after had to attend a wedding. He asked an…
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    Blind Date Slap

    An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man. When she returned to…
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    Name The Twins

    A pregnant woman from Washington, D.C. gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma.…
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    Who's Your Daddy?

    While the family was sitting around the dinner table, Jennifer, 5, turned to her brother…
  • jeans

    Dress Code

    Employed by the human-development center of a corporation in the midwest, my friend…
  • picture of letters

    How To Speak English Properly

    *How to speak English Properly* Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects. Prepositions are…
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    Wire Guard

    Gale-force winds and frigid temperatures had taken their toll. Snapped electric wires…
  • pinata

    Moving Label

    Having moved 15 times during our 37-year marriage, my husband and I appreciate movers who…
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    Jumper

    At the local Starbucks, a little guy exchanged words with a big bald guy and it looked…

Top Tips For Cheapskates

~ Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

~ When reading a book, try tearing out the pages as you read them. This saves the expense of buying a bookmark, and the pages can later be used for shopping lists.

~ Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb

~ Drill a one-inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed.

~ Avoid being wheel-clamped by jacking your car up, removing the wheels and locking them safely in the car until you return.

~ Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers to "fast wipe"

whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

~ Take your trash can to the supermarket with you so that you can see which items you have recently run out of.

~ No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in duct tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

~ Expensive hair gels are a con. Marmalade is a much cheaper alternative, but beware of bees in the summer.

~ Avoid cutting yourself while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

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