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More Jokes

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    Dish Shopping

    When visiting her family in Los Angeles, a woman decided to explore a trendy shopping…
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    Are We There Yet?

    The little old lady seated herself right behind the bus driver. Every ten minutes or so…
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    Sermon Follow-Up

    A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To…
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    Pot-bellied Stove

    An engineer, a psychologist, and a theologian were hunting in the wilderness of northern…
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    Unique Breakfast

    A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read Unique Breakfast, so he…
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    Eating Worms

    Little Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw…
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    Cat's Guide For Human Care

    More Excerpts from "The Cat's Guide To Caring For Your Human. Cats are beautiful,…
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    Fatherly Chat

    A young woman brings home her fiancĂ© to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells…
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    Circles

    During basic army training, a sergeant was telling his group how a submachine gun sprayed…
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    Ask Jeeves

    My 50-something friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her mother to the magic of the…
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    Coffee, No Cream

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    The Head Hog

    The secretary picked up the phone and heard a very "countryfied" voice on the other end…
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    Ah, Newlyweds

    There are never any secrets! A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached,…
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    Answering Machine Messages

    *Answering Machine Messages*Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already…
  • Wedding Day Truths

    From the Beginning

    My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he…

Top Tips For Cheapskates

~ Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

~ When reading a book, try tearing out the pages as you read them. This saves the expense of buying a bookmark, and the pages can later be used for shopping lists.

~ Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb

~ Drill a one-inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed.

~ Avoid being wheel-clamped by jacking your car up, removing the wheels and locking them safely in the car until you return.

~ Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers to "fast wipe"

whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

~ Take your trash can to the supermarket with you so that you can see which items you have recently run out of.

~ No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in duct tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

~ Expensive hair gels are a con. Marmalade is a much cheaper alternative, but beware of bees in the summer.

~ Avoid cutting yourself while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

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