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canada flagHere are some of the "All-Time Dumbest Questions" asked by Banff Park tourists.

On nature...

  • How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at the "Elk Crossing" signs?
  • At what elevation does an elk become a moose?
  • Tourist: "How do you pronounce 'Elk'?" Park Information Staff: " 'Elk.'"  Tourist: "Oh."
  • Are the bears with collars tame?
  • Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose?
  • Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent?
  • Where can I find Alpine Flamingos?
  • I saw an animal on the way to Banff today ... Could you tell me what it was?
  • Are there birds in Canada?

On geography...

  • Did I miss the turnoff for Canada? (while standing in the middle of Banff!)
  • Where does Alberta end and Canada begin?
  • Do you have a map of the State of Jasper?
  • Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that Saskatchewan?
  • If I go to B.C., do I have to go through Ontario?
  • Which is the way to the Columbia Ricefields?
  • How far is Banff from Canada?
  • What's the best way to see Canada in a day?

On tourist facilities...

  • Do they search you at the B.C. border?
  • When we enter B.C. do we have to convert our money to British pounds?
  • Where can I buy a raccoon hat? ALL Canadians own one, don't they?
  • Are there phones in Banff?
  • So it's eight kilometers away... is that in miles? We're on the decibel system you know.
  • Where can I get my husband really, REALLY, lost??
  • Is that 2 kilometers by foot or by car?
  • Don't you Canadians know anything?
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