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More Jokes

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    Backwoods Labor

    In the back woods of Kentucky, the redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the…
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    Flossing

    As a dental hygienist, I always encourage patients to floss. During one cleaning, the…
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    Sick At Church

    Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden vomit…
  • child sad

    Picnic Pains

    The minister's little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the week, that her…
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    Cheap Rhymes With Jeep

    A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. A friend of his said, "I…
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    Not-So-Bright People

    AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked "intellectual…
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    Lost Gas Cap

    David filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had paid and driven…
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    New Number Request

    Mom was getting swamped with calls from strangers. The reason? A medical billing service…
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    Patio Problem

    My husband, Ray, was attempting to build a patio for the first time. He bought 100 cement…
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    Loudest Band

    For two years I managed a group of musicians who proudly labeled themselves "the loudest…
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    Dextrocardia Question

    I went to a medical clinic for an electrocardiogram. While the technician was lining up…
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    Husband and Wife Christmas Shopping

    A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed…
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    Unique Breakfast

    A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read Unique Breakfast, so he…
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    Pet Hotline

    The Iams Pet Professionals, a team of 30 trained customer service representatives at The…
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    Life and Death

    A hospital posted a notice in the nurses' mess saying:"Remember, the first five minutes…

Truth About Children:

- A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning.

- A child will not spill on a dirty floor.

- A young child is a noise with dirt on it.

- A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tires.

- An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

- Be nice to your kids, for it is they who will choose your nursing home.

- Celibacy is not hereditary.

- Familiarity breeds children.

- For adult education, nothing beats children.

- Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.

- Having children will turn you into your parents.

- If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.

- Ill-bred children always display their pest manners.

- It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.

- It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they'll know as little as their parents.

- Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

- Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

- You can learn many things from children...  like how much patience you have.

- Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.

- The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.

- There are three ways to get things done: 1) do it yourself 2) hire someone to do it 3) forbid your kids to do it

- Those who say they "sleep like a baby" haven't got one.

- There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.

- The best thing to spend on your children is time.

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