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    Lawnyer

    When my mother was called for jury duty, she felt confident of her ability to answer the…
  • picture of a hang glider

    Zeek's Hang Glider

    In the back woods of Gooberland, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Ol' Zeek,…
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    All Purpose Excuse Form

    Here is an all purpose excuse form, designed to get you out of the trouble you've gotten…
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    Toucan Yell

    Driving along an outback road in Australia, I spied an exotic bird flying overhead. The…
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    First Date

    A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of…
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    True Calls to the IRS

    True Calls to the IRSCaller: I want to know if I should file married or single.IRS: Are…
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    Intercom Repair

    My friend's son worked at a fast-food restaurant when he was in high school. One night…
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    Lit Match

    On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the…
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    Questions Asked at National Parks

    *Questions Asked at National Parks* *Everglades National Park:*Are the alligators…
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    Beef Prices

    It's a summer holiday weekend and a man walks into a butcher shop which has a sign in the…
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    More Bulletin Bloopers

    *More Bulletin Bloopers*The youth group has raised almost $500 for drug…
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    Actual Call Center Conversations

    Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries.…
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    Dad Sayings

    I figured out why they call our language the "Mother Tongue." Fathers never get a chance…
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    Family Loop

    Many, many years agoWhen I was twenty three,I got married to a widow,Pretty as could be.…
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    More Cute Kids

    On vacation with her family in Montana, a mother drove her van past a church in a small…

1. Salmonella won't be a concern.

2. Everyone will think your turkey is Cajun blackened.

3. Uninvited guests will think twice next year.

4. Your cheese broccoli lima bean casserole will gain newfound appreciation.

5. Pets won't bother to pester you for scraps.

6. No one will overeat.

7. The smoke alarm was due for a test.

8. Carving the bird will provide a good cardiovascular workout.

9. You'll get to the desserts even quicker.

10. After dinner, the guys can take the bird to the yard and play football.

11. The less turkey Uncle You-Know-Who eats, the less likely he will be to walk around with his pants unbuttoned.

12. You won't have to face three weeks of turkey sandwiches.

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