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More Jokes

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    Best 'Out of Office' Automatic Email Replies

    1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to…
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    Taste It

    One afternoon a waiter served a bowl of chicken soup to an elderly gentleman. As he…
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    Car Names Explained

    "Car Names Explained"(My car is in here so don't be offended if yours is too!)AUDI -…
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    Worker Ants

    The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a natural history lesson. "Worker…
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    Border problem

    An elderly woman lived on a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota…
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    Restaurant Return

    An out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an…
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    You Know You Are Over the Hill When

    1. You find yourself beginning to like accordion music. 2. You're sitting on a park bench…
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    Forbidden Words

    An English professor announced to the class, "There are two words I don't allow in my…
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    First Passport

    At 82 years old, my husband applied for his first passport. He was told he'd need a birth…
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    Starting To Date

    Alan asks, "I know you're crazy about that little daughter of yours, Steve. What are you…
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    English Verses Western

    My wife and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas. The cowboy preparing the horses…
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    It's Not A Cat

    It's not a cat it's...A small, four-legged, fur-bearing extortionist.A wildlife control…
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    Fasten Your Seatbelts

    Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the…
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    Sorting Letters

    Myrddin had gotten a part time job at the Post Office and the supervisor there had been…
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    Dining Out

    The waitress comes over and recognizes the family seated at the table; Mr. & Mrs. Smith…

*Unwritten Warning Labels*

On a cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place"

On an infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water.

On a Magic 8 Ball: Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test.

On a roll of Life Savers: Not for use as a flotation device.

On a cup of McDonald's coffee: Allow to cool before applying to groin area.

On a refrigerator: Refrigerate after opening.

On pantyhose: Not to be used in the commission of a felony.

On work gloves: For best results, do not leave at crime scene.

On a palm sander: Not to be used to sand palms.

On a calendar: Use of term "Sunday" for reference only. No meteorological warranties express or implied.

On Odor Eaters: Do not eat.

On a blender: Not for use as an aquarium.

On a microscope: Objects in view are larger and more alarming than they appear.

On alphabet blocks: Not for children. Letters may be used to construct words, phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive.

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