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    Burning Call

    A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is…
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    Shoe Fit

    A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes."How do they feel?" asks the…
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    Etch-A-Sketch Technical Support Line

    Etch-A-Sketch Technical Support Line Calls Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny…
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    Exercise Program

    Here's the exercise program I'm using to stay in shape this year. You might want to take…
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    Lobster Tails

    A guy was down on Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco when he saw a seafood restaurant and…
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    Cow Predictions

    A midwest farmer was describing his lifestyle to a touring group of city folks. "One of…
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    Goober Mom Writes Goober Son

    Dear Son, I am writing slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we…
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    Argument Settled

    The other day, Avril and I got into some petty argument. (I say it was petty. She would…
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    Running Away

    A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He…
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    First Apartment

    Having moved into his first apartment, our son invited my husband and me for a visit. As…
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    Kids' Instructions for Life

    Never trust a dog to watch your food. Patrick, Age 10 When you want something expensive,…
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    Waking Up Mad

    One day a man took the train from Paris to Frankfurt. When he got in he said to the…
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    Cooking Terms

    Tongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a…
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    Wedding Vows

    A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing "wedding." The wedding vows…
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    Updated Punishment

    "When I was a youngster," complained the frustrated father, shaking his head, "I was…

A couple of opposing candidates for county office happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner...

One turned to the other and said, "You know why I'm going to win this election? Because of my 'personal touch.' For example, I always tip waitresses really well and then ask them to vote for me."

"Oh, is that so?" replied the other. "I always tip them a nickel and ask them to vote for you."

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