*Warning Signs That You Need A New Doctor*
* The patient before you was a goat.
* Instead of anesthetic he has you watch PBS.
* He has an assistant named Igor.
* The local bar association named him "Client of the Year."
* Whenever he leaves the room his nurse makes duck noises.
* During surgery he has to keep repeating that "thigh bone connected to the knee bone" song.
* Mike Wallace and a film crew are hanging out in his waiting room.
* He asks you to turn your head and cough during an eye exam.
* You can beat him in a game of Operation.
* All his Medical books are from the Time-Life "Do-it-Yourself Series."