*Warning Signs That You Need A New Doctor*

* The patient before you was a goat.

* Instead of anesthetic he has you watch PBS.

* He has an assistant named Igor.

* The local bar association named him "Client of the Year."

* Whenever he leaves the room his nurse makes duck noises.

* During surgery he has to keep repeating that "thigh bone connected to the knee bone" song.

* Mike Wallace and a film crew are hanging out in his waiting room.

* He asks you to turn your head and cough during an eye exam.

* You can beat him in a game of Operation.

* All his Medical books are from the Time-Life "Do-it-Yourself Series."