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    Looking For Mike

    After directory assistance gave Glenda her boyfriend's new telephone number, she dialed…
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    Signs You've Chosen a "No Frills" Airline

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    Hmmmm... Ham Sandwich

    As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce…
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    Lost Money

    The receptionist found some cash in the office, apparently mislaid by a co-worker. She…
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    Typo Apology

    "We apologize for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that 'Mr Fred Nicolme…
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    Fishing Advice

    Two buddies are fishing, but they haven't caught anything all day. Then, another…
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    Heavenly Music

    I attend a small village church in rural PA. On any given Sunday, we may have six or…
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    Mouse Trap

    A woman rushes into a hardware store and said, "Can I have a mouse trap, please? And will…
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    Tried and Trusted

    A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, "I would like to…
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    She Was Such A Goober

    She was such a goober. . ... she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.. she tripped over a…
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    Hymns For The Aging

    *Hymns for the Aging* Precious Lord, Take my Hand (And Help Me Get Up) It is Well with My…
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    A Great Job

    A guy came home to his wife and said, "Guess what? I've found a great job. A 10 a.m.…
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    Call Me Leroy

    Uncle Leroy got a job down at the broom factory. On his first day the straw boss (floor…
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    Top 10 Signs that you company is planning to lay you off.

    10. You frequently overhear the CEO mumbling, "Eeny-Meeny-Miney-You"9. The guys from the…
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    Moving In Motivation

    My engineer husband is meticulous but mild-mannered. While our new house was being built,…

What a teacher says and what he/she really means.

1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his classmates.

Really means: He was caught cheating on a test.

2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and vitability.

Really means: The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes.

3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction.

Really means: He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met.

4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating that high expectations don't intimidate her.

Really means: The lazy thing hasn't done one assignment all quarter.

5. Her athletic ability is marvelous. Superior hand-eye coordination.

Really means: The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15 feet away.

6. Nick thrives on interaction with his peers.

Really means: Your son needs to stop socializing and start working.

7. Your daughter's greatest asset is her demonstrative public discussions.

Really means: Classroom lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain an assignment she creates a class argument.

8. John enjoys the thrill of engaging challenges with his peers.

Really means: He's a bully.

9. An adventurous nature lover who rarely misses opportunities to explore new territory.

Really means: Your daughter was caught skipping school at the fishing pond.

10. I am amazed at her tenacity in retaining her youthful personality.

Really means: She's so immature that we've run out of diapers.

11. Unlike some students who hide their emotion, Charles is very expressive and open.

Really means: He must have written the Whiner's Guide.

12. I firmly believe that her intellectual and emotional progress would be enhanced through a year's repetition of her learning environment.

Really means: Regretfully, we believe that she is not ready for high school and must repeat the 8th grade.

13. Her exuberant verbosity is awesome!

Really means: A mouth that never stops yacking.

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