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    Athiest Groceries

    There was a Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist. Everyday, when the lady…
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    Johnny's Prayer

    Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged and…
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    Top 10 Signs that you company is planning to lay you off.

    10. You frequently overhear the CEO mumbling, "Eeny-Meeny-Miney-You"9. The guys from the…
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    Golf Deduction

    Taking advantage of a balmy day in New York, a priest and three other men of the cloth…
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    Things Moms Would Never Say

    ~ "How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"~ "Yeah, I used to skip school a…
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    Goober Travelers

    The following are actual stories provided by travel agents: * I had someone ask for an…
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    Speech Flirt

    During a conference, I was pleasantly surprised to be seated next to a very handsome man.…
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    Heard By Tech

    Things heard by tech support:Customer: "I have Microword Soft."Customer: "Microwave…
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    Morning Run

    The drill sergeant, making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a…
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    Golf Survey

    My job as a land surveyor took me to a golf course that was expanding from 9 holes to 18…
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    2 Best Recipes

    Newlywed Wife: "The 2 things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie."Newlywed Husband:…
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    Note From Judge

    During court one busy day, the judge quietly passed the clerk a note reading: "Blind on…
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    Remembering Names

    When I was introduced to a couple visiting our congregation, I decided to remember their…
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    Speeding Juggler

    A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the…
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    I'm Not Old - I'm Just Mature

    I'M NOT OLD...JUST MATUREToday at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent.From my purchase…

What a teacher says and what he/she really means.

1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his classmates.

Really means: He was caught cheating on a test.

2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and vitability.

Really means: The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes.

3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction.

Really means: He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met.

4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating that high expectations don't intimidate her.

Really means: The lazy thing hasn't done one assignment all quarter.

5. Her athletic ability is marvelous. Superior hand-eye coordination.

Really means: The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15 feet away.

6. Nick thrives on interaction with his peers.

Really means: Your son needs to stop socializing and start working.

7. Your daughter's greatest asset is her demonstrative public discussions.

Really means: Classroom lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain an assignment she creates a class argument.

8. John enjoys the thrill of engaging challenges with his peers.

Really means: He's a bully.

9. An adventurous nature lover who rarely misses opportunities to explore new territory.

Really means: Your daughter was caught skipping school at the fishing pond.

10. I am amazed at her tenacity in retaining her youthful personality.

Really means: She's so immature that we've run out of diapers.

11. Unlike some students who hide their emotion, Charles is very expressive and open.

Really means: He must have written the Whiner's Guide.

12. I firmly believe that her intellectual and emotional progress would be enhanced through a year's repetition of her learning environment.

Really means: Regretfully, we believe that she is not ready for high school and must repeat the 8th grade.

13. Her exuberant verbosity is awesome!

Really means: A mouth that never stops yacking.

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