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More Jokes

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    Oriskany Falls

    The little old lady seated herself right behind the bus driver. Every ten minutes or so…
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    Religious Lady On Plane

    There was a religious lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her business, so…
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    Signs That You May Be Canadian

    1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines. 2. You understand the phrase, "Could…
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    Everything is Wonderful

    Everything is WonderfulMy face in the mirrorIsn't wrinkled or drawn.My house isn't…
  • A funny joke about 2 men in their fancy cars.

    Bragging Rights

    A limousine had encountered a red traffic light and was waiting for it to change when a…
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    Cowboy Joe goes to Church

    Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a…
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    Child Perspective on Retirement

    A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation. One child wrote the…
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    Get Well Soon

    A motorcycle cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.The doctors…
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    Lemon-Aid

    A local bar was so sure its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a…
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    Grandpa's Gift

    The following is a true story submitted by list member Mary Lou F. from Kincardine,…
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    More Bulletin Bloopers

    *More Bulletin Bloopers*The youth group has raised almost $500 for drug…
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    Stockbroker's Secretary

    The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one morning."I'm sorry," she said, "Mr.…
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    Fish Fight Story

    Doug was describing a 30-pound bass he'd caught recently, after fighting it for three…
  • child2

    Name That Baby

    When Diane found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen.…
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    How To Give Your Cat A Pill

    I. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were…

doctor fileWhat doctors say, and what they're really thinking:

"This should be taken care of right away."
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

"Welllllll, what have we here...?"
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.

"Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.

"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time.
--or-- I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit.

"We have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.

"Let's see how it develops."
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.

"Let me schedule you for some tests."
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

"That's quite a nasty looking wound."
I think I'm going to throw up.

"This may smart a little."
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.

"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"
I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?

"This should fix you up."
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.

"Everything seems to be normal."
Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.

"I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

"There is a lot of that going around."
That's the third one this week! I'd better learn something about this.

"If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thankfully I'm off next week.

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