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More Jokes

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    Zack and His Mule

    Zack and his mule were walking down the road when one of Zack's friends drove up and…
  • book mystery

    Invitation

    Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her…
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    Silly Mom

    Thanks to list member Lowell Guebert for sending in this real life, happened to her,…
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    Removing The Dents

    A goober left his car out in a hail storm. When the storm was over he checked the car and…
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    Late For Church

    A young girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could to Sunday…
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    Top Signs Your Company is Planning a Layoff

    *Top Signs Your Company is Planning a Layoff* 1. CEO frequently overheard mumbling,…
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    Died In The Service

    One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque…
  • hawaii

    Hawaii or Havaii

    These two persons are discussing whether the state of Hawaii is pronounced 'Havaii,' or…
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    Super Golfball

    Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that…
  • classroom

    Divy It Up

    Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her…
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    Dough Boy Drive By

    WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (really from the Associated Press) Linda Burnett, 23, was…
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    Turtle Ears

    Tradition here in the office is to keep a notepad with the punch lines from the various…
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    Keyboard Jockey Exercise

    For those keyboard jockeys (those with jobs that require sitting at a computer all day)…
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    Vet Cure

    A Veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the…
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    Vacation Offer

    A newspaper writer, after working for 17 long years, was finally granted two months…

What doctors say, and what they're really thinking:

"This should be taken care of right away."
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

"Welllllll, what have we here...?"
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.

"Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.

"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time.
--or-- I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit.

"We have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.

"Let's see how it develops."
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.

"Let me schedule you for some tests."
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

"That's quite a nasty looking wound."
I think I'm going to throw up.

"This may smart a little."
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.

"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"
I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?

"This should fix you up."
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.

"Everything seems to be normal."
Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.

"I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

"There is a lot of that going around."
That's the third one this week! I'd better learn something about this.

"If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thankfully I'm off next week.

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