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More Jokes

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    Shoebox Dolls

    A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They…
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    Boat Rental

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    A Bear, a Lion and a Pig

    A bear, a lion, and a pig meet. I know what your thinking they eat the PIG...NOThe bear…
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    Politcal Quotes

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    Preacher and Cowboy

    One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were…
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    Visiting Oxford

    An guy was visiting Oxford University for the first time. He stopped a passing Oxford don…
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    Dishwasher Repair

    Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work…
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    Hunting Feedback

    I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting and fishing, my family eats a…
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    Get Better Soon

    A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to…
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    Longevity

    A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the…
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    Sarahella

    After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah started using her pinwheel as a…
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    Time Management

    The church wanted to help their congregation cope better with the stresses of modern…
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    Ladies' Tee

    It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Murray was beginning his pre-shot routine,…
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    Pilot Pride

    As one of relatively few female airline pilots, I've often been mistaken for a flight…
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    Tie Conspiracy

    At a clearance sale, the wife of a federal district court judge found a green tie that…

What doctors say, and what they're really thinking:

"This should be taken care of right away."
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

"Welllllll, what have we here...?"
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.

"Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.

"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time.
--or-- I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit.

"We have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.

"Let's see how it develops."
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.

"Let me schedule you for some tests."
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

"That's quite a nasty looking wound."
I think I'm going to throw up.

"This may smart a little."
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.

"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"
I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?

"This should fix you up."
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.

"Everything seems to be normal."
Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.

"I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

"There is a lot of that going around."
That's the third one this week! I'd better learn something about this.

"If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thankfully I'm off next week.

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