More Jokes

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    New Librarian

    The new librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the…
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    Class Reunions

    Every ten years, as summertime nears,An announcement arrives in the mail,A reunion is…
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    Zeek's Hang Glider

    In the back woods of Gooberland, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Ol' Zeek,…
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    Time Management

    The church wanted to help their congregation cope better with the stresses of modern…
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    Pit Falls

    This particular man was taking a shortcut through the graveyard one dark night. That was…
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    Simple Support

    Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer. We ran into some difficulties while…
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    Cinderella Question

    The tax accountant had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter…
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    Gifts for Men

    Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules…
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    Under Five

    A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering…
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    In-Flight Humor

    Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture,"…
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    Parenting Test

    MESS TEST Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the Wet…
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    The Night of Thanksgiving

    And after all is said and done.....the kitchen cleaned up, the football game is over, the…
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    Goober Puzzle

    One morning this goober calls her friend and says "Please come over and help me. I have…
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    Golf Friendless

    "Bob, why don't you play golf with John anymore?" asked a friend."Would you play golf…
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    Alternative Baptism

    As a young preacher, my small church had limited facilities, so we held baptisms in a…

What He Says - What He Means

"I'm going fishing."

Really means: "I'm going to stand by a stream with a stick in my hand all day, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"It's a guy thing."

Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"

Really means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh-huh." "Sure, honey." "Yes, dear."

Really means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain."

Really means: "I have no idea how it works."

"We're going to be late."

Really means: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."

Really means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."

Really means: "Are you still talking?"

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."

Really means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I can't find it."

Really means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"You know I could never love anyone else."

Really means: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."

"You look terrific."

Really means: "Please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."

Really means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

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