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More Jokes

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    Towel Misunderstanding

    One day a child at my four-year-old's Sunday school class told her classmates that she…
  • baby feet

    Tiny Rose

    A tiny sweet baby was born to a goober and his wife. They had always dreamed of having a…
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    Vacation Location

    A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel to ask its location. "It's only a stone's throw…
  • bathroom sink

    Bathroom Sign

    Thanks to Norma K. Appel for sending today's CleanLaugh. Dear Pastor Tim, this is a true…
  • County Chairmen

    County Chairmen

    Two opposing county chairman were sharing a rare moment together. The Democratic chairman…
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    Saintly Sons

    Two mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, "My son is such a saint. He…
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    Lawyer Light Bulb Completion

    So many of you threatened to sue me if I didn't supply the end of yesterday's CleanLaugh,…
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    Signs Your Cat Is Too Fat

    Cat door retro-fitted with garage door opener. Confused guests constantly mistaking him…
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    Etch-A-Sketch Technical Support Line

    Etch-A-Sketch Technical Support Line Calls Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny…
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    Boy Scout Tips

    A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert. "What are the…
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    Amateur Paleontologist

    Paleoanthropology Division Smithsonian Institute 207 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, DC…
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    Larger Than 20

    A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our…
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    English Time

    In my English-as-a-second-language class, I explained the difference between a watch and…
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    Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

    One afternoon, I was in the backyard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog…

What He Says - What He Means

"I'm going fishing."

Really means: "I'm going to stand by a stream with a stick in my hand all day, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"It's a guy thing."

Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"

Really means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh-huh." "Sure, honey." "Yes, dear."

Really means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain."

Really means: "I have no idea how it works."

"We're going to be late."

Really means: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."

Really means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."

Really means: "Are you still talking?"

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."

Really means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I can't find it."

Really means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"You know I could never love anyone else."

Really means: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."

"You look terrific."

Really means: "Please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."

Really means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

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