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More Jokes

  • sky scraper

    Elevator Repair

    Soon after our high-tech company moved into a new building, we had trouble with the…
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    Cat Musings**********

    I think this is pretty much how cats think in their heads - you can tell by the way that…
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    Bulletin Humor

    I hope the bulletin in your church is more accurate than the ones that these occurred in.…
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    Child Perspective on Retirement

    A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation. One child wrote the…
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    Circle Stand

    Ron just got a new sports car and was out for a drive when he cut off a truck driver. The…
  • picture of a taxi

    Excuse Me Driver

    A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the…
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    Lost Baggage

    I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage…
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    Parking Concern

    While walking through a parking lot, I tripped and fell flat on my face.As I was lying…
  • picture of a car crash

    More Insurance Claims

    "I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought." "I pulled…
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    Muffin Moving

    After living in our house for four years, we were moving out of state. My husband had…
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    Navy Shots

    While I'm not sure of the procedure now, when I was in the Navy, every so often, you got…
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    Tendjewberrymud

    Its amazing, you will understand the above word by the end of the conversation...... Read…
  • a picture of home

    No Place Like Home

    While I was dining out with my children, a man came over to our table, and we started…
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    Offering Encouragement

    A minister in a little church had been having trouble with the collections.One Sunday he…
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    Age Question

    A college professor asked his class a question."If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New…

What He Says - What He Means

"I'm going fishing."

Really means: "I'm going to stand by a stream with a stick in my hand all day, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"It's a guy thing."

Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"

Really means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh-huh." "Sure, honey." "Yes, dear."

Really means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain."

Really means: "I have no idea how it works."

"We're going to be late."

Really means: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."

Really means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."

Really means: "Are you still talking?"

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."

Really means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I can't find it."

Really means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"You know I could never love anyone else."

Really means: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."

"You look terrific."

Really means: "Please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."

Really means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

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