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More Jokes

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    Helicopter Debate

    My cousin worked on the Alaska pipeline as a welder. He said helicopters were a big help…
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    Geneology Question

    When my granddaughter, Ann, was 9-years-old, she was given an assignment by her teacher…
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    Take Out For Lunch

    Planning a Christmas weekend of entertaining guests, I made a list of things I needed to…
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    Committee Praise

    The new pastor was winding down the service. In the back of the church, the fellowship…
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    Buying Shoes

    A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the…
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    Listen For The Word

    Our five-year-old son went to a church conference with my wife and me. He got restless,…
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    Flight Booking

    After booking my 80-year-old grandmother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the…
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    Word Impatience

    Our five-year-old son went to a church conference with my wife and me. He got restless,…
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    Smoke Detector Lesson

    One Sunday morning when my son, David, was about 5, we were attending a church in our…
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    Dad Shopping

    In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with…
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    Needled

    At a naval barracks the enlisted men were being given their shots prior to going…
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    The End of Speeding?

    A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky. An officer…
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    Found Money

    An elderly married couple who were childhood sweethearts and had settled down in their…
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    8-Year-Old Asks

    An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy,…

What He Says - What He Means

"I'm going fishing."

Really means: "I'm going to stand by a stream with a stick in my hand all day, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"It's a guy thing."

Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"

Really means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh-huh." "Sure, honey." "Yes, dear."

Really means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain."

Really means: "I have no idea how it works."

"We're going to be late."

Really means: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."

Really means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."

Really means: "Are you still talking?"

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."

Really means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I can't find it."

Really means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"You know I could never love anyone else."

Really means: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."

"You look terrific."

Really means: "Please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."

Really means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

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