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More Jokes

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    Grandpa's Gift

    The following is a true story submitted by list member Mary Lou F. from Kincardine,…
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    Bad Day Sign

    You know it's going to be a bad day when your teenager knocks on your bedroom door first…
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    The Ten Most Common Forms of Office Illness

    *The Ten Most Common Forms of Office Illness* 1. The Macy's One Day Sale Flu. 2. The…
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    Rainy Weather Humor

    Nothing personal against Seattlites - change it to any other place getting a lot of rain.…
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    Measuring Hunger

    The parents in our cycling group were discussing the subject of teenagers and their…
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    Pole Power

    I was getting ready for work when I looked out the window and saw the utility company…
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    Ever Driven a Honda?

    A biker is riding a new motorcycle on the highway. While passing a car, he knocks on the…
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    Shhhhhh!

    A father had three very active boys. One summer evening, he was playing cops and robbers…
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    Driver's License Examiners

    While discussing the plight of Driver's license examiners, a former motor-vehicle-bureau…
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    More Incorrect

    Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had…
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    Cake Disaster

    Many years ago my just married young cousin moved into an upstairs apartment and invited…
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    Car 34

    A young man is an avid listener to the city's police frequency, and he leaves the scanner…
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    Parachute Training

    While attending US Army's Airborne School.....The Day before our first jump, the…
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    Grandpa's Day Out

    Grandpa's Day Out A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa…
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    Construction Noise

    During a beautiful spring afternoon, I was attending a music festival. Just as I stopped…

What He Says - What He Means

"I'm going fishing."

Really means: "I'm going to stand by a stream with a stick in my hand all day, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"It's a guy thing."

Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"

Really means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh-huh." "Sure, honey." "Yes, dear."

Really means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain."

Really means: "I have no idea how it works."

"We're going to be late."

Really means: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."

Really means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."

Really means: "Are you still talking?"

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."

Really means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I can't find it."

Really means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"You know I could never love anyone else."

Really means: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."

"You look terrific."

Really means: "Please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."

Really means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

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