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More Jokes

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    Goober Guide to Household tools

    A goober's guide to household tools: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it…
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    Charity Better than Expected

    Members of the Methodist women's church circle in one Wisconsin town some years ago were…
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    Travelling Too Light

    A porter loaded down with suitcases followed the couple to the airline check-in…
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    Jury Duty Prejudice

    A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be dismissed from serving. He…
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    Executive Approval

    For many years I worked as a receptionist and switchboard operator at a busy company.…
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    Wedding Speech

    Our nephew was getting married to a doctor's daughter. At the wedding reception, the…
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    Helicopter Debate

    My cousin worked on the Alaska pipeline as a welder. He said helicopters were a big help…
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    Cookie Calories

    A husband took his young daughter to the grocery store to help him buy groceries. In…
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    Correction

    Frustrated at always being corrected by my hubby, I decided the next time it happened I…
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    Kettle Rescue

    A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what…
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    The Congregation Replied

    Down in the south, there are many churches known as "answer back" churches. When the…
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    Proper Attire

    Proper attire is required in the cafeteria at the University of Maine. To enforce that…
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    Academic Phrases and Meanings

    The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the…
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    Johnny's Prayer

    Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged and…
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    Funny Quotes

    Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.- Red Buttons Did…

What He Says - What He Means

"I'm going fishing."

Really means: "I'm going to stand by a stream with a stick in my hand all day, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"It's a guy thing."

Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"

Really means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh-huh." "Sure, honey." "Yes, dear."

Really means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain."

Really means: "I have no idea how it works."

"We're going to be late."

Really means: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."

Really means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."

Really means: "Are you still talking?"

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."

Really means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I can't find it."

Really means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"You know I could never love anyone else."

Really means: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."

"You look terrific."

Really means: "Please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."

Really means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

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