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More Jokes

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    39 And Holding

    A young child asked a woman how old she was. She answered, "39 and holding." The child…
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    Goober Celebration

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    Coffee Choices

    In our home we tend to get the children to help out. One day our youngest son came in to…
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    Cat T-Shirts

    If cats wore t-shirts, here is what they might say. "Purrfection cannot be improved" "If…
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    Bad News From The Doctor

    A man hadn't been feeling well at all, so he went to his doctor for a complete check-up.…
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    Charity Better than Expected

    Members of the Methodist women's church circle in one Wisconsin town some years ago were…
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    A Bear, a Lion and a Pig

    A bear, a lion, and a pig meet. I know what your thinking they eat the PIG...NOThe bear…
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    Office Visit

    A middle-aged man walks into a psychologist's office wearing a dancer's tutu, flippers…
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    The Grandma Test

    I was out walking with my 4-year-old granddaughter. She picked up something off the…
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    Viaduct Height

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    Morning Sickness

    Sarah dropped in on her sister Molly and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring…
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    Employment History

    To pass the time while our plane was being de-iced, the flight attendants played a trivia…
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    Signs of Banned Substances

    Signs That An Athlete Is Using A Banned Substance:Gets "psyched" before each competition…
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    Does That Hurt

    We live in a small town where we have a volunteer Ambulance Corp. We are blessed with…
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    Rabbi Schwartz Answers His Phone

    "Hello is this Rabbi Schwartz?" "It is" "This is the IRS. Can you help us?" "I can." "Do…

What He Says - What He Means

"I'm going fishing."

Really means: "I'm going to stand by a stream with a stick in my hand all day, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"It's a guy thing."

Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"

Really means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh-huh." "Sure, honey." "Yes, dear."

Really means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain."

Really means: "I have no idea how it works."

"We're going to be late."

Really means: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."

Really means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."

Really means: "Are you still talking?"

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."

Really means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I can't find it."

Really means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"You know I could never love anyone else."

Really means: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."

"You look terrific."

Really means: "Please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."

Really means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

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