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  • Default Image

    Apples for Teachers

    There are about 50 million American children enrolled in elementary school and high…
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    Day Off From School

    On Monday a call came in to the school receptionist. "Hello. Please mark William absent…
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    Maturity Under Attack

    We Must Stop This!! Have you ever noticed that when you're of a certain age, everything…
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    Burglary

    The detective was interviewing the man whose clothing shop had just been burglarized.…
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    Gift Parrot

    There was a man who travelled all around the world.Every city he stopped in he would buy…
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    Ahh . . . Friendship

    A man, fond of practical jokes, decided late one night to send his friend a collect…
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    Bakery Robbery

    My cousin was behind the bakery's cash register one morning when a gunman burst in and…
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    Need Help?

    I saw a billboard yesterday that said: Need help? Call Jesus.1-800-555-HELP Out of…
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    Business Exhaustion

    The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped…
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    Vacation Report

    Christmas Break was over and the teacher was asking the class about their vacations. She…
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    Restaurant Return

    An out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an…
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    How To Speak English Properly

    *How to speak English Properly* Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects. Prepositions are…
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    Application To Date My Daughter

    NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unlessaccompanied by a complete…
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    Fly Problem

    My husband is a doctor, and he received an emergency call from a patient. She had a fly…
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    The Woodcutter

    This fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a…

"I'm going fishing."
really means..."I'm going to go and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"Woman driver."
really means..."Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me."

"It's a guy thing."
really means....."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Have you lost weight?' really means..."I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."

"It would take too long to explain."
really means....."I have no idea how it works."

"I got a lot done."
really means....."I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."

"We're going to be late."
really means....."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
really means....."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
really means....."I forgot our anniversary again."

"You know how bad my memory is."
really means....."I remember the theme song to 'F Troop' and the Vehicle Identification Numbers on every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"Hey I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
really means....."And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I can't find it."
really means....."It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?' really means...."What did you catch me at?"

"I don't need to read the instructions."
really means....."I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

"I'm not lost.  I know exactly where we are."
really means....."No one will ever see us alive again."

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