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  • sports balls

    *Famous Sports Quotes*

    "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman…
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    Leak Repair

    My husband's skills with do-it-yourself home repairs are at best mediocre. After spending…
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    Things to do When Your ISP Goes Down

    1. Dial 911 immediately.2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past…
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    Self-Evident Truths About Pets

    *Self-Evident Truths About Pets** Although cats are rather delicate creatures, and they…
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    Nervous Young Minister

    A nervous young minister, new to the church, told the flock, "For my text today, I will…
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    Haircut Request

    When a customer slid into the barber chair, the barber asked him how he wanted his hair…
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    Old Friends

    Amy and Judy are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long…
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    Gift Diamonds

    Morris ran into Jacob while shopping at the mall the other day in front of one of the…
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    Environmental Problem

    This was an actual letter from and reply to the Michigan Department of Environmental…
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    In A Few Moments

    So far today, Lord, I've done all right; I haven't gossiped, haven't lost my temper,…
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    Army Fib

    While my six-year-old daughter of the space age and I were reviewing some old…
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    Cat Allergy

    A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets. Someone asked her what…
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    Kidnapped

    Most Friday nights at the Naval Station in Bermuda, we would assemble at the officers…
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    Ever Driven a Honda?

    A biker is riding a new motorcycle on the highway. While passing a car, he knocks on the…
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    Halloween Pun

    Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, were vacationing in Europe -- as it happens, in…

"I'm going fishing."
really means..."I'm going to go and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"Woman driver."
really means..."Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me."

"It's a guy thing."
really means....."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Have you lost weight?' really means..."I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."

"It would take too long to explain."
really means....."I have no idea how it works."

"I got a lot done."
really means....."I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."

"We're going to be late."
really means....."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
really means....."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
really means....."I forgot our anniversary again."

"You know how bad my memory is."
really means....."I remember the theme song to 'F Troop' and the Vehicle Identification Numbers on every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"Hey I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
really means....."And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I can't find it."
really means....."It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?' really means...."What did you catch me at?"

"I don't need to read the instructions."
really means....."I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

"I'm not lost.  I know exactly where we are."
really means....."No one will ever see us alive again."

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