"I'm going fishing."
really means..."I'm going to go and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
really means..."Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me."
"It's a guy thing."
really means....."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Have you lost weight?' really means..."I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."
"It would take too long to explain."
really means....."I have no idea how it works."
"I got a lot done."
really means....."I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."
"We're going to be late."
really means....."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
really means....."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
really means....."I forgot our anniversary again."
"You know how bad my memory is."
really means....."I remember the theme song to 'F Troop' and the Vehicle Identification Numbers on every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"Hey I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
really means....."And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I can't find it."
really means....."It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"What did I do this time?' really means...."What did you catch me at?"
"I don't need to read the instructions."
really means....."I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
really means....."No one will ever see us alive again."