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More Jokes

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    Best Guide

    I understand the fix a local hunting guide got himself into.His party became hopelessly…
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    The Verge

    A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' Mother's name?"One child…
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    Guard Dog Sniff

    My boyfriend, Tim, a mechanic, does work for the Air Force Academy. One day, a guard…
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    Bad Day Sign

    You know it's going to be a bad day when your teenager knocks on your bedroom door first…
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    Growing Up

    While on recess duty at the elementary school where I teach, I was talking with several…
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    Charity Better than Expected

    Members of the Methodist women's church circle in one Wisconsin town some years ago were…
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    Rich Guy

    One day a rich man drives pass a open field and he sees a guy standing there eating grass…
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    A Better Keyboard

    What do we want? A keyboard for fat fingers! When do we want it? BOW!
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    Software Training

    A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had designed some software for one of…
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    Remember When

    An old couple is sitting in their living room when the old woman leans over and says to…
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    Favorite Flower

    While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Tom and his wife Peg listened to the…
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    Vacation Offer

    A newspaper writer, after working for 17 long years, was finally granted two months…
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    PC Assets

    My husband refused to learn how to operate a PC. I tried to get him to realize how…
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    Two-Part Question

    Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $50,000 Question. The night before the…
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    Dollar Measure

    Our mom needed a new mattress for her antique bed, so my brother, Josh, and I decided to…

"I'm going fishing."
really means..."I'm going to go and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"Woman driver."
really means..."Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me."

"It's a guy thing."
really means....."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Have you lost weight?' really means..."I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."

"It would take too long to explain."
really means....."I have no idea how it works."

"I got a lot done."
really means....."I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."

"We're going to be late."
really means....."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
really means....."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
really means....."I forgot our anniversary again."

"You know how bad my memory is."
really means....."I remember the theme song to 'F Troop' and the Vehicle Identification Numbers on every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"Hey I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
really means....."And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I can't find it."
really means....."It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?' really means...."What did you catch me at?"

"I don't need to read the instructions."
really means....."I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

"I'm not lost.  I know exactly where we are."
really means....."No one will ever see us alive again."

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