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More Jokes

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    Refined Shopping

    A very refined young man comes to a small food shop and sees fruit. "Give me two…
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    Mother Ring

    While picking up a prescription, I noticed that the woman who gave me my medication was…
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    Test Results Good News

    Joey walked into his dad's study while his dad was working on the computer. "Dad," said…
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    Campaign Funding

    Can you believe a candidate dropped out of the race because of a lack of campaign funds?…
  • golf bag

    Golf Comeback

    (This joke is based on an actual event which is a part of golf lore around the world). A…
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    Rough Flight

    The pastor of our church began his sermon with this story:"I was on a plane last week,…
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    Texas Cruise

    A Texas rancher, visiting a South Dakota farmer friend, asked him to show him his farm.…
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    Jar 47

    A new doctor had arrived in town. He could cure anything and anybody. Everyone was amazed…
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    10 Most Wanted

    Little Sammy's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station.…
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    Science Quotes from Kids - Part 2

    ~ H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.~ To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon…
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    Bad News From The Doctor

    A man hadn't been feeling well at all, so he went to his doctor for a complete check-up.…
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    Proposal Condition

    Kurt was going out with a nice girl and finally popped the question. "Will you marry me,…
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    Goober Release

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    Number Eighteen

    A first-time prisoner is placed in his cell with a cellmate. Before long it is time for…
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    Logic Amongst the Sciences

    A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people…

"I'm going fishing."
really means..."I'm going to go and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"Woman driver."
really means..."Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me."

"It's a guy thing."
really means....."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Have you lost weight?' really means..."I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."

"It would take too long to explain."
really means....."I have no idea how it works."

"I got a lot done."
really means....."I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."

"We're going to be late."
really means....."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
really means....."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
really means....."I forgot our anniversary again."

"You know how bad my memory is."
really means....."I remember the theme song to 'F Troop' and the Vehicle Identification Numbers on every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"Hey I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
really means....."And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I can't find it."
really means....."It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?' really means...."What did you catch me at?"

"I don't need to read the instructions."
really means....."I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

"I'm not lost.  I know exactly where we are."
really means....."No one will ever see us alive again."

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