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More Jokes

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    Movie Impatience

    We went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it…
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    Bull Healing

    A farmer asked his vet to come out to check on his favorite bull who wasn't doing well at…
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    Breakfast Call

    When my son was in the ninth grade, we reluctantly agreed to let him move into the…
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    One Question Interview

    A handyman, who was working for a Synagogue, had asked for a raise and was turned down.…
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    Newlywed Repairs

    A man came home from the office and found his new bride sobbing convulsively. "I feel…
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    Looking Funny

    According to statistics, last year over 17 million American families paid a lot of money…
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    New Brain Study

    A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that…
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    What a Teacher Means

    What a teacher says and what he/she really means.1. Your son has a remarkable ability in…
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    How Old Am I?

    A college professor asked his class a question."If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New…
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    Midterm Exam

    The professor of a graduate-school class of gifted students included a HUGE amount of…
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    Cake Question

    While working at Baskin-Robbins, I helped a woman, who was full of questions about the…
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    Restroom Bugs

    I took my granddaughter to church camp for the first time last weekend. Behind the…
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    Goober Flight Lesson

    A goober went to a flight school, insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all…
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    One Little Square

    A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mum, what`s…
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    104 Year Best

    Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing…

"I'm going fishing."
really means..."I'm going to go and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"Woman driver."
really means..."Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me."

"It's a guy thing."
really means....."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Have you lost weight?' really means..."I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."

"It would take too long to explain."
really means....."I have no idea how it works."

"I got a lot done."
really means....."I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."

"We're going to be late."
really means....."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
really means....."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
really means....."I forgot our anniversary again."

"You know how bad my memory is."
really means....."I remember the theme song to 'F Troop' and the Vehicle Identification Numbers on every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"Hey I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
really means....."And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I can't find it."
really means....."It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?' really means...."What did you catch me at?"

"I don't need to read the instructions."
really means....."I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

"I'm not lost.  I know exactly where we are."
really means....."No one will ever see us alive again."

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