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More Jokes

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    Sleep Motivation

    An older man is on the operating table awaiting surgery. He has insisted that his son, a…
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    What The Teacher Says and What She Really Means

    1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his…
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    First Job Hunting

    Recently, our 18-year-old daughter started hunting for her first real job. She spent an…
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    Moving In Motivation

    My engineer husband is meticulous but mild-mannered. While our new house was being built,…
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    Incapacitated

    I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part…
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    Cough Remedy

    The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against the wall. The…
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    Cinderoofer

    When my children received the video of Cinderella as a summer gift, they watched it…
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    Good Robbery

    The detective was interviewing the man whose clothing shop had just been burglarized.…
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    Lost Bible

    The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.…
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    Cow Predictions

    A midwest farmer was describing his lifestyle to a touring group of city folks. "One of…
  • Amish Law

    Amish Law

    An Amish man answered a knock on his door one morning. An electric company worker handed…
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    Needle Manners

    While I was working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving…
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    Hurry Home

    It has to be confessed that the minister was rather long-winded. During his sermon a…
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    Morning Kiss

    A farmer and his wife had just awakened one morning to the crowing of their rooster.…
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    Computer T-Shirt Slogans - #1

    Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.As a computer, I find your faith in technology…

"I'm going fishing."
really means..."I'm going to go and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"Woman driver."
really means..."Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me."

"It's a guy thing."
really means....."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Have you lost weight?' really means..."I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."

"It would take too long to explain."
really means....."I have no idea how it works."

"I got a lot done."
really means....."I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."

"We're going to be late."
really means....."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
really means....."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
really means....."I forgot our anniversary again."

"You know how bad my memory is."
really means....."I remember the theme song to 'F Troop' and the Vehicle Identification Numbers on every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"Hey I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
really means....."And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I can't find it."
really means....."It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?' really means...."What did you catch me at?"

"I don't need to read the instructions."
really means....."I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

"I'm not lost.  I know exactly where we are."
really means....."No one will ever see us alive again."

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