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More Jokes

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    Efficient Breakfast

    The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to…
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    Bubba's Friends

    Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just…
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    Daaaad!

    A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later:"Da-ad...""What?""I'm…
  • Dog Waits for Owner

    Missing You

    Dave went on a business trip for a few days. When he returned, his wife reported that the…
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    Steamed Goober

    Back in the good old days of steam engines, a goober who had spent his whole life in the…
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    Lost Baggage

    I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage…
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    In Both Ears

    "It's no good, sir," said the hopeless pupil to his English teacher. "I try to learn, but…
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    No Pets Allowed

    Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a…
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    Paying For The Damage

    A motorist driving by a Texas ranch hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The…
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    Zoo Trip

    Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his…
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    Quick Thinking Clerk

    There is a story about a new clerk in a supermarket. A customer asked him if she could…
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    The Confused Goober

    The confused goober: 1. Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight. 2.…
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    Hashing It Out

    I was working as a short-order cook at two restaurants in the same neighborhood. On a…
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    Simple Operation

    A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation. "What's…
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    Wedding Dress Blues

    When my sister Andrea got married, she asked to wear my mother's wedding dress. The day…

"I'm going fishing."
really means..."I'm going to go and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"Woman driver."
really means..."Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me."

"It's a guy thing."
really means....."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Have you lost weight?' really means..."I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."

"It would take too long to explain."
really means....."I have no idea how it works."

"I got a lot done."
really means....."I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."

"We're going to be late."
really means....."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
really means....."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
really means....."I forgot our anniversary again."

"You know how bad my memory is."
really means....."I remember the theme song to 'F Troop' and the Vehicle Identification Numbers on every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"Hey I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
really means....."And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I can't find it."
really means....."It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?' really means...."What did you catch me at?"

"I don't need to read the instructions."
really means....."I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

"I'm not lost.  I know exactly where we are."
really means....."No one will ever see us alive again."

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