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More Jokes

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    For Sale Sign

    A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee when she spotted a charming…
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    I Think Not

    I do not think -- therefore I am not.Here is the illustration of this principle:One…
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    Farming Dream

    The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was inter-viewing a prospective student,…
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    Rules for Laboratory Workers

    Rules for Laboratory Workers 1. When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly. 2.…
  • Dog New Year's Resolutions

    Your Dog's New Year's Resolutions

    I will not bark each time I see or hear a dog on TV. I will not steal underwear belonging…
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    Small Town Check

    I had just moved from an apartment to a house in the same small town. One day at the…
  • jogger

    What Time Is It?

    A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He…
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    Sister Repair

    My sister has the courage, but not always the skills, to tackle any home repair project.…
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    Community Paper

    Glenelg, Maryland is such a small community, I was surprised that they had a community…
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    Cough Remedy

    The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against the wall. The…
  • puddle road

    Deep Trouble

    A man driving his car down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle…
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    Amazing Anagrams

    Not strictly humor, but truly amazing....Dormitory = Dirty RoomThe Morse Code = Here Come…
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    Guard Dog Sniff

    My boyfriend, Tim, a mechanic, does work for the Air Force Academy. One day, a guard…
  • Poorly worded ad causes trouble.

    Sewing Machine Ad

    The following is an ad from a newspaper which appeared four days in a row - the last…
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    Lariat Training

    More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowpoke. Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to…

"I'm going fishing."
really means..."I'm going to go and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"Woman driver."
really means..."Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me."

"It's a guy thing."
really means....."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Have you lost weight?' really means..."I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."

"It would take too long to explain."
really means....."I have no idea how it works."

"I got a lot done."
really means....."I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."

"We're going to be late."
really means....."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
really means....."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
really means....."I forgot our anniversary again."

"You know how bad my memory is."
really means....."I remember the theme song to 'F Troop' and the Vehicle Identification Numbers on every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"Hey I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
really means....."And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I can't find it."
really means....."It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?' really means...."What did you catch me at?"

"I don't need to read the instructions."
really means....."I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

"I'm not lost.  I know exactly where we are."
really means....."No one will ever see us alive again."

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