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More Jokes

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    Nature Abhors A Simile

    There was something funny about the kidnapping crime scene that Special Agent Frievald…
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    Card Reader Instructions

    Hard to believe, but many of our customers at the bank still don't know how to swipe…
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    One Liners

    *43.3% of statistics are meaningless! *Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.…
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    The Difference Between Men and Women

    This is a Dave Barry item. Do not use in your book.********** Let's say a guy named Fred…
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    Things Mom Doesn't Want To Hear

    "Mom's List Of Things She Does Not Want To Hear"1. I swallowed the goldfish.2. Your…
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    Trip Tickets

    Mr. and Mrs. Frobisher had just reached the airport in the nick of time to catch the…
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    Professionalism Test

    Read this out loud:This is this catThis is is catThis is how catThis is to catThis is…
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    Most Difficult Case

    Two psychiatrists were at a convention. As they conversed over dinner, one asked, "What…
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    No Pets Allowed

    Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a…
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    Blind Pilots

    One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting…
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    Name Warning

    On a street, where the speed is limited to 30 mph the police stop a driver."Not only have…
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    Super Golfball

    Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that…
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    Control Seminar

    The company I work for sometimes puts on what they call "Lunch and Learn" seminars during…
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    Colorful Grandma

    I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I…
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    No Frills Airlines

    ...they don't sell tickets, they sell chances. ...all the insurance machines in the…

How to keep a healthy level of insanity in the workplace
=========================================================

1.  Page yourself over the intercom.  (don't disguise your voice)

2.  Ask people to call you "Captain"

3.  Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle
4.  Put a chair facing the printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.

5.  Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting.  During he meeting eat five entire raw potatoes.

6 Insist that your e-mail address be:
zena_goddess_of_fire@c..."

7.  Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.

8.  Put your garbage can on your desk.  Label it "IN".

9.  Send e-mail messages saying "free pizza, free donuts etc..." in the lunchroom; when people complain that there was none, lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh, you've got to be faster than that."

10.  Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks.  Once everyone has gotten over their caffine addictions, switch to espresso.

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