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    Things You Will Never Hear

    Things you'll never hear a man say: 1) Here honey, you use the remote. 2) Ooh, Antonio…
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    Goober Golf Dispute

    Two goobers were starting a round of Golf together. On the first tee, the first guy…
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    Updated Punishment

    "When I was a youngster," complained the frustrated father, shaking his head, "I was…
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    Shakey's Cure

    Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I`ve got trouble. Every time I get into…
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    Three Red Lights

    Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Neither could barely see over the…
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    Wedding Dress Blues

    When my sister Andrea got married, she asked to wear my mother's wedding dress. The day…
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    Cat Allergy

    A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets. Someone asked her what…
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    Preacher Tow

    The minister's car wouldn't start and he called the garage to come and tow it in for…
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    104 Year Best

    Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing…
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    Chapstick

    We had this great 10 year old cat named Jack who just recently died.Jack was a great cat…
  • classroom

    Actual Elementary School Excuse Notes

    * "Jerry was at his grandmother's yesterday, and she did not bring him to school because…
  • couple old

    Old Friends

    Amy and Judy are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long…
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    Shopping Plan

    In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with…
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    Politcal Quotes

    "I resent your insinuendoes." "If we don't make some changes, the status quo will remain…
  • Kit Kat

    Favorite Candy

    Our phone rang late one night, and my wife Nancy picked it up. She said, "KitKat," and…
A man goes into an ice cream parlor and says, "I'd like two scoops of chocolate ice cream, please."

The girl behind the counter says, "I'm very sorry, sir, but our delivery truck broke down this morning.  We're out of chocolate,"

"In that case," the man says, "I'll have two scoops of chocolate ice cream."

"You don't understand, sir," the girl says.  "We have no chocolate."

"Then just give me some chocolate," he says.

Getting angrier by the second, the girl says, "Sir, will you spell VAN, as in vanilla?"

The man says, "V-A-N."

"Now spell STRAW, as in strawberry."

"OK.  S-T-R-A-W."

"Now," the girl says, "spell STINK, as in chocolate."

The man hesitates.  Then he says.  "There is no stink in chocolate."

"THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!" she screams.
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