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    A Man's Guide to What A Woman Is Saying

    I JUST NEED SOME SPACE. .... without you in it. DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS? We haven't…
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    Universal Solvent

    "The father was very proud when his son went off to college. He came to tour the school…
  • birthday

    Sweater Gifts

    Although we had recently moved into a new neighborhood, our young son had already made…
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    Actual Signs

    Bucharest Hotel Lobby - "The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time you…
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    Cadet Sign

    When my brother was a cadet at the U.S. Air Force Academy, there was an overhead walkway…
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    Politically Correct Football

    The Politically Correct National Football League would like to announce its name changes…
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    New Passport Photo

    Unfortunately, getting a new passport required a new photo. As I handed my ten-year-old…
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    Puppy Mark

    An effusive client brought a litter of puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations…
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    Senior Ailments

    A group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments: "My arms are…
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    Cheap Loan

    Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York…
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    Flower System

    An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his…
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    Shoplifter Excuse

    My friend, the manager of a grocery store, nabbed a shoplifter in the act. He was…
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    Joining the Church

    After the service a young couple talked to the pastor about joining the church. I hadn't…
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    Name Problem

    It was the beginning of term at a primary school in Brooklyn. The teacher asked the…
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    Liturgical Response

    In our Anglican church, each service begins with a greeting. The officiating clergyman…

Picture of a chef with thumb downYou are a lousy cook if....

Your family automatically heads for the table every time they hear a fire siren.

Anyone has ever broken a tooth eating your homemade yoghurt.

Your kids know what "peas porridge in a pot nine days old" tastes like.

Your son goes outside to make mud pies, the rest of the family grabs forks and follows him.

Your kids' favorite drink is Alka-Seltzer.

You have to buy 25 pounds of dog food twice a week for your toy poodle.

Your kids got even with the neighborhood bully by inviting him over for dinner.

Your husband refers to the smoke detector as the oven timer.

No matter what you do to it the gravy still turns bright purple.

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