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More Jokes

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    Summer Plans

    Summer vacation was almost about to start and the teacher asked little Sammy about a…
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    Finch Flush

    When my youngest son was three years old, one of his finches died. It was winter so we…
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    Future Son In Law?

    Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in…
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    Car Trip

    Friends took their first-grader on a car trip to Canada. To help pass the time, the boy…
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    Mailbox Problem

    A friend asked me to replace the rotted post that her mailbox sat on, but to save the…
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    Church Bulletin Bloopers

    The following have all genuinely appeared in church bulletins!* Next weekend's Fasting &…
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    Young Man's Disorder

    A young man was visiting a psychiatrist, hoping to cure his eating and sleeping disorder.…
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    Soap and Water

    A minister was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners, who he knew was an unkempt…
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    Redecorating Help

    A young woman decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how many rolls of…
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    Zack and His Mule

    Zack and his mule were walking down the road when one of Zack's friends drove up and…
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    Headlines from 2050

    *Headlines from 2050* Florida to Be Re-admitted to Union Plague of Spotted Owls Threaten…
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    Where's Mommy

    One evening after dinner, a five-year-old boy noticed that his mother had gone out and he…
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    Busted

    He was a young Pastor and as usual the enemy would try to stir up trouble in the family…
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    Market Conditions

    The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one morning. "I'm sorry," she said, "Mr.…
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    Verbalized Prayers

    The pastor of a mid-sized church decided one Monday morning that the staff would…

1. You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.

2. You're sitting on a park bench and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.

3. Lawn care has become a big highlight of your life.

4. You tune into the easy listening station...on purpose.

5. You discover that your measurements are now small, medium and large...In that order.

6. You light the candles on your birthday cake and a group of campers form a circle and start singing Kumbaya.

7. You keep repeating yourself.

8. You start video taping daytime game shows.

9. At the airport, they ask to check your bags...and you're not carrying any luggage.

10. You wonder why you waited so long to take up macrame.

11. Your Insurance Company has started sending you their free calendar...a month at a time.

12. At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.

13. Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

14. When you do the "Hokey Pokey" you put your left hip out...and it stays out.

15. One of the throw pillows on your bed is a hot water bottle.

16. Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."

17. You keep repeating yourself.

18. It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

19. You discover the words, "whippersnapper," "scalawag" and "by-cracky" creeping into your vocabulary.

20. You're on a TV game show and you decide to risk it all and go for the rocker.

21. You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."

22. You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.

23. You look both ways before crossing a room.

24. Your social security number only has three digit s.

25. You keep repeating yourself.

26. You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.

27. You go to a Garden Party and you're mainly interested in the garden.

28. You find your mouth making promises your body can't keep.

29. The waiter asks how you'd like your steak...and you say "pureed."

30. At parties you attend, "regularity" is considered the topic of choice.

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