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    Good News Dewey

    Olga phoned her husband, Dewey, at work for a chat. "I'm sorry dear," said Dewey, "but…
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    Hawaii Pronunciation

    Morris and his wife Sherry were planning a vacation. They ended up in an argument. "It's…
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    Eye Contact

    A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn't get her…
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    *Stupid Things Actually Said By Commentators In The World Of Soccer*

    *Stupid Things Actually Said By Commentators In The World Of Soccer* 1. Well, it's…
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    Signs That Old Age Might Be Creeping Up On You

    Your favorite section of the newspaper is "25 Years Ago Today."The parts that have…
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    The Rules of Combat

    Now here's one for all you combat veterans, corporate bureaucrats, folks in the…
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    Cooking Terms

    *Cooking Terms*Tongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the…
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    Votive Candles

    Visiting St Patrick's Cathedral on a tour of New York City, my daughter and her children…
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    Parking Confusion

    After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a parking spot at the shopping…
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    Typo Apology

    "We apologize for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that 'Mr Fred Nicolme…
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    Thanksgiving Forecast

    Thanksgiving Forecast Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an…
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    Hot Fishing Spot

    Two goobers go fishing. They catch a lot of fish and return to the shore. 1st goober: I…
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    Tax Forms

    It was April and Tax Day was looming when an elderly woman showed up at my desk at the…
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    Ice Capades

    A mother's four-year-old daughter was attending her first performance of the Ice Capades.…
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    Dog Growth

    A distraught dog owner called his vet pleading for an immediate appointment. He explained…

1. You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.

2. You're sitting on a park bench and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.

3. Lawn care has become a big highlight of your life.

4. You tune into the easy listening station...on purpose.

5. You discover that your measurements are now small, medium and large...In that order.

6. You light the candles on your birthday cake and a group of campers form a circle and start singing Kumbaya.

7. You keep repeating yourself.

8. You start video taping daytime game shows.

9. At the airport, they ask to check your bags...and you're not carrying any luggage.

10. You wonder why you waited so long to take up macrame.

11. Your Insurance Company has started sending you their free calendar...a month at a time.

12. At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.

13. Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

14. When you do the "Hokey Pokey" you put your left hip out...and it stays out.

15. One of the throw pillows on your bed is a hot water bottle.

16. Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."

17. You keep repeating yourself.

18. It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

19. You discover the words, "whippersnapper," "scalawag" and "by-cracky" creeping into your vocabulary.

20. You're on a TV game show and you decide to risk it all and go for the rocker.

21. You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."

22. You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.

23. You look both ways before crossing a room.

24. Your social security number only has three digit s.

25. You keep repeating yourself.

26. You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.

27. You go to a Garden Party and you're mainly interested in the garden.

28. You find your mouth making promises your body can't keep.

29. The waiter asks how you'd like your steak...and you say "pureed."

30. At parties you attend, "regularity" is considered the topic of choice.

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