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    Measuring Hunger

    The parents in our cycling group were discussing the subject of teenagers and their…
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    Epitaph Adjustment

    A new widow requested the epitaph "Rest in Peace" for her husband's tombstone. When she…
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    Lost Gas Cap

    David filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had paid and driven…
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    Goober Line Painter

    A goober who had been unemployed for several months got a job with Public Works. She was…
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    ACTS 2:38

    This lady surprised a burglar in her kitchen. He was all loaded down with the things he…
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    Family Dinner

    Family dinner was an enjoyable weekly ritual for us. Although my Mother was in her late…
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    Dog Meters

    Two dogs out and about, walk over to a parking meter.One says to the other, "How do you…
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    Reward Change

    A lady lost her handbag at the mall. An honest young lad found it and returned it to her.…
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    Tendjewberrymud

    Its amazing, you will understand the above word by the end of the conversation...... Read…
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    Turkey Shopping

    It was Christmas Eve in a supermarket and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few…
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    The Night of Tax Day

    Twas the night of Tax Day, and all thru the house,Every creature was whirring, even the…
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    Second Opinion

    A woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very worried and all strung out. She rattled…
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    No E-mail (copyrighted??)

    An unemployed man is desperate to support his family. His wife watches TV all day and his…
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    Low 80's Golf

    "I play golf in the low 80's," the little old man was telling one of the young boys at…
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    Homilies To Live By

    Homilies To Live ByGive a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to…

1. You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.

2. You're sitting on a park bench and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.

3. Lawn care has become a big highlight of your life.

4. You tune into the easy listening station...on purpose.

5. You discover that your measurements are now small, medium and large...In that order.

6. You light the candles on your birthday cake and a group of campers form a circle and start singing Kumbaya.

7. You keep repeating yourself.

8. You start video taping daytime game shows.

9. At the airport, they ask to check your bags...and you're not carrying any luggage.

10. You wonder why you waited so long to take up macrame.

11. Your Insurance Company has started sending you their free calendar...a month at a time.

12. At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.

13. Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

14. When you do the "Hokey Pokey" you put your left hip out...and it stays out.

15. One of the throw pillows on your bed is a hot water bottle.

16. Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."

17. You keep repeating yourself.

18. It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

19. You discover the words, "whippersnapper," "scalawag" and "by-cracky" creeping into your vocabulary.

20. You're on a TV game show and you decide to risk it all and go for the rocker.

21. You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."

22. You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.

23. You look both ways before crossing a room.

24. Your social security number only has three digit s.

25. You keep repeating yourself.

26. You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.

27. You go to a Garden Party and you're mainly interested in the garden.

28. You find your mouth making promises your body can't keep.

29. The waiter asks how you'd like your steak...and you say "pureed."

30. At parties you attend, "regularity" is considered the topic of choice.

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