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More Jokes

  • knee bones

    Sore Knee

    Old man Johnson limped into the doctor's office and said, "Doc, my right knee hurts so…
  • picture of a shopping cart

    Vat A Country!

    Many years ago, my father was visiting America, from Europe, for the very first time. He…
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    Landing Request

    There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his…
  • football

    Football Newbie

    A guy took his girlfriend to a football game for the first time. After the game he asked…
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    Worst Decision Yet

    A king was quite concerned about a decision he had just made, so much so that he went to…
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    Number Eighteen

    A first time prisoner is placed in his cell with a cellmate. Before long it is time for…
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    Speeding Juggler

    A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the…
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    Bagpipe Jokes

    Relax, they aren't that bad - it's just joking about them that's fun. Q. What's the…
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    Goober Travel Times

    A Goober gets on a bus and asks the driver how long the trip is between Limerick and…
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    Dog House Rules Progression

    1. Dogs are never permitted in the house. The dog stays outside in a specially built…
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    Flower Request

    "I'm sorry," said the clerk in flower shop, "we don't have potted geraniums. Could you…
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    Collect Call

    My mother was away all weekend at a business conference.During a break, she decided to…
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    Accident Prayer

    As my five-year-old-son and I were headed to McDonald's one day, we passed a car…
  • 50 percent

    Senate Comeback

    A member of the Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in…
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    Birth Wharp

    Stationed in Okinawa, Japan, my son and his wife were expecting their first baby. I was…

1. You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.

2. You're sitting on a park bench and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.

3. Lawn care has become a big highlight of your life.

4. You tune into the easy listening station...on purpose.

5. You discover that your measurements are now small, medium and large...In that order.

6. You light the candles on your birthday cake and a group of campers form a circle and start singing Kumbaya.

7. You keep repeating yourself.

8. You start video taping daytime game shows.

9. At the airport, they ask to check your bags...and you're not carrying any luggage.

10. You wonder why you waited so long to take up macrame.

11. Your Insurance Company has started sending you their free calendar...a month at a time.

12. At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.

13. Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

14. When you do the "Hokey Pokey" you put your left hip out...and it stays out.

15. One of the throw pillows on your bed is a hot water bottle.

16. Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."

17. You keep repeating yourself.

18. It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

19. You discover the words, "whippersnapper," "scalawag" and "by-cracky" creeping into your vocabulary.

20. You're on a TV game show and you decide to risk it all and go for the rocker.

21. You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."

22. You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.

23. You look both ways before crossing a room.

24. Your social security number only has three digit s.

25. You keep repeating yourself.

26. You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.

27. You go to a Garden Party and you're mainly interested in the garden.

28. You find your mouth making promises your body can't keep.

29. The waiter asks how you'd like your steak...and you say "pureed."

30. At parties you attend, "regularity" is considered the topic of choice.

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