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More Jokes

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    Ten Ways You Know Your Internet Connection is A Little Slow

    Ten Ways You Know Your Internet Connection is A Little Slow1. Text on Web pages displays…
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    Computer T-Shirt Slogans - #3

    Why doesn't DOS ever say 'EXCELLENT'Shell to DOS, Come in DOS, do you COPY?All computers…
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    Australian Football

    I'd heard that Australian football is a lot rougher than the American version, but never…
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    Loudest Band

    For two years I managed a group of musicians who proudly labeled themselves "the loudest…
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    Cereal Adjustment

    Deciding to eat healthier breakfasts, my brother-in-law declared that oatmeal would now…
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    Vow of Silence

    A man joined the priesthood. The order he joined could not speak for seven years. Then…
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    Birth Warp

    Stationed in Okinawa, Japan, my son and his wife were expecting their first baby. I was…
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    Kids View of Science

    *Kid's View of Science*Q: What is one horsepower?A: One horsepower is the amount of…
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    Goober Golf Dispute

    Two goobers were starting a round of Golf together. On the first tee, the first guy…
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    Gators!

    While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim,…
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    Heavy Housework

    Smith goes to see his supervisor. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning…
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    Grizzly Bears

    Wildlife officials in Alaska are alarmed at the increase in grizzly bear attacks on…
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    Encyclopaedia Set for Sale

    FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica.Excellent Condition.$1200 or…
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    Political Faith

    Politicians have a constant need to be diplomatic. Witness this candidate for the Senate…
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    Kind Word

    A man walked into a restaurant in a strange town. The waiter came and asked him for his…

You know you're getting there when...

  • Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
  • You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.
  • Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
  • Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
  • Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
  • You look forward to a dull evening.
  • Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
  • Your back goes out more than you do.
  • You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
  • You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
  • You and your teeth don't sleep together.
  • Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
  • At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
  • Your back goes out but you stay home.
  • When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
  • It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
  • When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
  • When happy hour is a nap.
  • When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.
  • When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
  • When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
  • When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
  • Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
  • It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
  • Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
  • You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
  • The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
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