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More Jokes

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    Mule Solution

    A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left…
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    Just Like Mother

    Manny was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends had already gotten married, and Manny…
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    Grandma's Meat Loaf

    A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears. "Oh, Mom, I tried to make…
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    Stone's Throw

    A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel to ask its location."It's only a stone's throw away…
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    The English Language

    Lets face itEnglish is a stupid language.There is no egg in the eggplantNo ham in the…
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    Chapstick

    We had this great 10 year old cat named Jack who just recently died.Jack was a great cat…
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    Goober Travelers

    The following are actual stories provided by travel agents: * I had someone ask for an…
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    Wilderness Trip

    The first carload of Boy Scouts had left my house minutes earlier, bound for our…
  • church people

    Signs Your Church has Sold Out to Corporate Sponsors

    - Taco Bell's talking dog now reading announcements. - In Christmas play, Joseph seen…
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    Epitaph

    A doctor wrote about an epitaph he had seen in a local cemetery:"In memory of my father:…
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    Dad and Surgeon

    This older man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son,…
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    Muffled Workers

    Winters are fierce where he lives, so the owner of the estate felt He was doing a good…
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    A Great Job

    A guy came home to his wife and said, "Guess what? I've found a great job. A 10 a.m.…
  • church in the country

    Save Me a Seat

    A friend of mine, and her husband, were on vacation. They visited a church on Sunday. My…
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    Two-Part Question

    Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $50,000 Question. The night before the…

You know you're getting there when...

  • Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
  • You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.
  • Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
  • Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
  • Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
  • You look forward to a dull evening.
  • Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
  • Your back goes out more than you do.
  • You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
  • You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
  • You and your teeth don't sleep together.
  • Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
  • At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
  • Your back goes out but you stay home.
  • When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
  • It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
  • When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
  • When happy hour is a nap.
  • When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.
  • When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
  • When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
  • When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
  • Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
  • It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
  • Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
  • You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
  • The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
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