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More Jokes

  • firetruck

    Brave Firefighters

    A fire started on some grassland near a farm in Indiana. The fire department from the…
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    Pole Power

    I was getting ready for work when I looked out the window and saw the utility company…
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    Work P-p-p-p-p-roblem

    A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and…
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    Harmonica Gift

    Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas," Little Johnny said to his Uncle…
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    Computer Users

    Computer users are divided into three types: Novice, Intermediate, and Expert. Novice…
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    Crash Report

    As he reviewed pilot crash reports, my Air Force military science professor stumbled upon…
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    Time To Go

    The pastor was known for the clarity and brevity of his sermons. His talks were well…
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    Natural Antibiotic

    While serving as associate pastor in a church in the California gold country, I had an…
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    Lost Money

    The receptionist found some cash in the office, apparently mislaid by a co-worker. She…
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    Appendix Worry

    Old Jacob Johnson, raging hypochondriac, was convinced that the pain on his left side was…
  • football

    Christian Football

    Christian Football Quarterback Sneak - Church members quietly leaving during the…
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    Who Said That?

    If quitters never win, & winners never quit, what fool came up with "Quit while you're…
  • teacher

    Meet Me For Lunch

    The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining…
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    Second Try

    The insurance salesman, trying to start up a conversation with another fella said, "Who…
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    Singing Practice

    Joe's wife likes to sing. She decided to join the church choir. From time to time she…

You know you're getting there when...

  • Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
  • You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.
  • Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
  • Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
  • Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
  • You look forward to a dull evening.
  • Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
  • Your back goes out more than you do.
  • You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
  • You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
  • You and your teeth don't sleep together.
  • Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
  • At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
  • Your back goes out but you stay home.
  • When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
  • It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
  • When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
  • When happy hour is a nap.
  • When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.
  • When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
  • When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
  • When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
  • Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
  • It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
  • Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
  • You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
  • The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
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