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More Jokes

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    Survivalist Training

    A Scoutmaster was teaching his Boy Scouts about survival in the Alaskan wilderness. "What…
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    Face Warning

    Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped…
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    Rabbi Sneak

    There was this rabbi in a small town, and he was really curious about why so many people…
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    Mechanic Applicant

    A man is applying for a job as mechanic that he really wants to get.The boss says, "Can…
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    I'll Testify To That

    Several women, each trying to one-up the other, appeared in court, each accusing the…
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    Do You Understand?

    At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you…
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    Plane Seat

    It was Judi's first plane trip.Boarding the aircraft she settled into a window seat in…
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    Perfectly Made

    When we put our house up for sale, I stressed emphatically that my sons make their beds…
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    The Gift

    A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday. A friend of his said, "I…
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    Parachute Training

    While attending US Army's Airborne School.....The Day before our first jump, the…
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    Hurry and Sign Up

    Dear Ma and Pa: I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Army…
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    Successful Ice Fishing

    Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long ice fishing. One has been having no…
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    Happy Eggs

    One Sunday morning, while stationed at Osan Air Base in South Korea, I was in line for…
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    Locked Out

    First I had to work late. Then I discovered that I'd locked my keys in the car. But the…
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    50 Years From Now

    Three elderly gents were talking about what their grandchildren would be saying about…

You know you're getting there when...

  • Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
  • You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.
  • Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
  • Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
  • Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
  • You look forward to a dull evening.
  • Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
  • Your back goes out more than you do.
  • You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
  • You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
  • You and your teeth don't sleep together.
  • Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
  • At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
  • Your back goes out but you stay home.
  • When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
  • It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
  • When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
  • When happy hour is a nap.
  • When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.
  • When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
  • When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
  • When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
  • Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
  • It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
  • Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
  • You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
  • The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
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