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More Jokes

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    Y Zero K bug

    Message from: Rome January 18, 1 BC Dear Cassius, Are you still working on the Y zero K…
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    Travel Agent Stories

    The following are actual stories provided by travel agents :1. I had someone ask for an…
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    Goober Hunters Flying

    Two Goober hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were…
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    Vacation Offer

    A newspaper writer, after working for 17 long years, was finally granted two months…
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    8-Year-Old Asks

    An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy,…
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    3rd Grader's Explanation of God

    Written by Danny Dutton, age 8, from Chula Vista, California, for his third grade…
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    Glacier Work

    A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park said to her guide, "Look at all…
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    Tried and Trusted

    A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, "I would like to…
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    More Strange Warnings

    Here are some more strange warnings on items.On a packet of juggling balls:"This product…
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    Checking In

    Brad and Mike are two old retired widowers who reside close to each other and do constant…
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    Hand Signals

    A Florida officer pulls over an eighty-year-old teacher because her hand signals were…
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    Laws of Parenthood

    There is the Law of Gravity - And then, there is the Law of ParenthoodA child's behavior…
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    Dr. Dress

    During my surgical residency I was called out of a sound sleep to the emergency room.…
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    She Was Such A Goober

    She was such a goober. . ... she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.. she tripped over a…
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    $50 Question

    A scientist and a poet were traveling in the same compartment on a train. They had never…

You know you're getting there when...

  • Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
  • You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.
  • Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
  • Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
  • Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
  • You look forward to a dull evening.
  • Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
  • Your back goes out more than you do.
  • You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
  • You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
  • You and your teeth don't sleep together.
  • Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
  • At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
  • Your back goes out but you stay home.
  • When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
  • It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
  • When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
  • When happy hour is a nap.
  • When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.
  • When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
  • When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
  • When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
  • Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
  • It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
  • Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
  • You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
  • The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
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