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More Jokes

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    The Law of Parenthood

    There is the Law of Gravity - and then, there is the Law of Parenthood- A child's…
  • bride and groom

    Number Married

    I just read a report that stated that last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't…
  • single red_rose

    Memory Clinic

    Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the…
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    CD Generation

    After I bought my mother a compact-disc player and some CDs, she was excited to discover…
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    Curfew

    This young man was elated when he turned eighteen in a state where curfew is 11:00 p.m.…
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    Fishing Wife

    "So, what's the matter?" asked one woman of her friend over coffee. "I thought you just…
  • university

    Good Morning

    When I first started college, the Dean came in and said "Good Morning" to all of us. When…
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    Labor Costs

    A man having lunch at a Chinese restaurant noticed that the table had been set with…
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    Government Work

    You know you work for the government when:The process becomes more important than the…
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    Goober Line Painter

    A goober who had been unemployed for several months got a job with Public Works. She was…
  • front porch

    The Good Night Kiss

    At the end of their first date, a young man takes the girl back to her home. Emboldened…
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    Resume Cover Letters

    These were taken from real Resumes and Cover Letters, and were printed in "Fortune"…
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    Tree Faller

    While working as a radiology technician in a hospital emergency room, I took X-rays of a…
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    Resurrection Update

    A singing group call "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a church.Everyone was…
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    Moving Labels

    Having moved 15 times during our 37-year marriage, my husband and I appreciate movers who…

You know you're getting there when...

  • Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
  • You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.
  • Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
  • Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
  • Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
  • You look forward to a dull evening.
  • Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
  • Your back goes out more than you do.
  • You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
  • You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
  • You and your teeth don't sleep together.
  • Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
  • At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
  • Your back goes out but you stay home.
  • When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
  • It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
  • When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
  • When happy hour is a nap.
  • When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.
  • When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
  • When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
  • When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
  • Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
  • It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
  • Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
  • You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
  • The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
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