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More Jokes

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    Fair Trial

    A judge enters the courtroom, strikes the gavel and says,"Before I begin this trial, I…
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    Rabbi Schwartz Answers His Phone

    "Hello is this Rabbi Schwartz?" "It is" "This is the IRS. Can you help us?" "I can." "Do…
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    More Bad Headlines

    ~ March Planned For Next August ~ Blind Bishop Appointed To See ~ Lingerie Shipment…
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    Let Us Know

    The following advertisement appeared in a physical culture magazine:"Here's a good test…
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    Signal Shot

    The new ensign was standing his first night watch on the bridge of a destroyer. Far out…
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    Driving Worries

    I decided to stop worrying about my teenage son's driving and take advantage of it.I got…
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    Brazilian Jungle

    Two intrepid explorers met in the heart of the Brazilian jungle. "I'm here," declared…
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    14 Letters

    Robert and Peter had applied for jobs at a large company and had to take an intelligence…
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    Corporate Can-Do

    Programmer to Team Leader:"We can't do this proposed project. **CAN NOT** It will involve…
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    Parenting Idea

    I was with a friend in a cafe' when a noisy car alarm interrupted our conversation. "What…
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    Football Sleep

    After spending all day Sunday watching football on television, a man fell asleep and…
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    Military Chat

    During the second Gulf War, I was an Air Force colonel. I routinely flew on different…
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    Escaped Puppy

    I live across the street from a church. When my wife's puppy escaped from the back yard…
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    Dead Horse

    The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from one generation to the next, says…
  • A Picture of a stack of books

    Back To School

    After raising 4 kids, and losing one husband, I decided to return to college and get the…

You know you're getting there when...

  • Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
  • You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.
  • Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
  • Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
  • Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
  • You look forward to a dull evening.
  • Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
  • Your back goes out more than you do.
  • You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
  • You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
  • You and your teeth don't sleep together.
  • Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
  • At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
  • Your back goes out but you stay home.
  • When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
  • It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
  • When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
  • When happy hour is a nap.
  • When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.
  • When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
  • When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
  • When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
  • Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
  • It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
  • Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
  • You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
  • The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
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