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More Jokes

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    Pupil's Question

    A young pupil asked, "Master, what is fate.""Ah, my son, it is what has brought great…
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    Perfect Mate

    At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to…
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    Cherokee 180

    One day, the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active…
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    Pig Rescuer

    Farmer Jones got out of his car and while heading for his friend's door, noticed a pig…
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    Bathroom Instructions

    On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the…
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    Question and Answer

    A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination.On the paper…
  • shopping

    Color Blind

    Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed that the bag boy was eyeing my two adopted…
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    Ravine Golfing

    One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing.Ben sliced his ball deep into a…
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    Burglary

    The detective was interviewing the man whose clothing shop had just been burglarized.…
  • old lady

    AAADD

    They have finally found a diagnosis for my condition. Hooray!! I have recently been…
  • tortoise

    Holding A Job

    A young man was a very slow worker and subsequently found it difficult to hold down a…
  • tail light2

    Tail Light

    "How long have you been driving without a tail light, buddy?" demanded the policeman. The…
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    Rest Home Trial

    Aunt Mary, a spinster of 92, had finally consented to go to a rest home, but strictly on…
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    New Neighbor

    My quiet Saturday morning ended abruptly when my 12-year-old son, Billy, and one of his…
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    Battle Of The Dogs

    The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued…

You know you're getting there when...

  • Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
  • You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.
  • Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
  • Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
  • Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
  • You look forward to a dull evening.
  • Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
  • Your back goes out more than you do.
  • You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
  • You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
  • You and your teeth don't sleep together.
  • Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
  • At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
  • Your back goes out but you stay home.
  • When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
  • It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
  • When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
  • When happy hour is a nap.
  • When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.
  • When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
  • When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
  • When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
  • Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
  • It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
  • Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
  • You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
  • The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
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