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More Jokes

  • knife and_fork

    Joey Sets The Table

    A certain man had invited the pastor and his wife for dinner, and it was little Joey's…
  • woman2

    Mellowing Mom

    I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers. One night I was chatting with my…
  • tie

    Tie Conspiracy

    At a clearance sale, the wife of a federal district court judge found a green tie that…
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    Oil on Fish

    Students at school were asked to write about the harmful effects of oil on fish.One…
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    Mouse Trap

    A woman rushes into a hardware store and said, "Can I have a mouse trap, please? And will…
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    Tea Service

    One day my mother was out and my dad was looking after me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old…
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    Speeding Excuses

    Philadelphia's Highway Patrol officers hear all kinds of creative excuses that drivers…
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    Successful Ice Fishing

    Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long ice fishing. One has been having no…
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    Goodwill Offering

    During the last Sunday service that the visiting pastor was to spend at the church he…
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    Surgery Beauty

    Irving was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and his…
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    Lost Bible

    The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the…
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    Burglar and Vicar

    A burglar broke into a minister's house and told the pastor, "One move and you're dead.…
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    One and Only

    "Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to…
  • bear

    I Want To Be A Bear

    I want to be a bear...... If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but…
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    Vet Visit

    In his younger days our golden retriever Catcher often ran away when he had the chance.…

You know you're getting there when...

  • Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
  • You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.
  • Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
  • Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
  • Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
  • You look forward to a dull evening.
  • Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
  • Your back goes out more than you do.
  • You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
  • You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
  • You and your teeth don't sleep together.
  • Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
  • At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
  • Your back goes out but you stay home.
  • When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
  • It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
  • When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
  • When happy hour is a nap.
  • When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.
  • When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
  • When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
  • When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
  • Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
  • It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
  • Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
  • You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
  • The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
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