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    Dogs

    ** If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket then…
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    Seatbelt Support

    I was teaching my 6-year-old daughter how to unbuckle her seat belt. She asked, "Do I…
  • Picture of a chef with thumb down

    You are a lousy cook if.…

    You are a lousy cook if.... Your family automatically heads for the table every time they…
  • school-house

    Beginning School

    Tommy had reached school age. His mother managed with a blast of propaganda to make him…
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    2 Bad Days

    You're NOT having a bad day ... these people had bad days: 1. The average cost of…
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    Hamster Care

    After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom,…
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    Gracie Allen's Classic Recipe for Turkey

    Gracie Allen's Classic Recipe for Turkey: Ingedients: - 1 large turkey - 1 small turkey…
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    Window Washer

    There was a gentleman in the hospital bed next to me. He was covered with bandages from…
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    Other Uses for Fruitcake

    1. Paint a few white and place them outside on the grass so people won't park on your…
  • cat lying down

    Lose the Cat

    A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from…
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    Ugly Baby

    A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've…
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    Photo Radar

    A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed…
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    Three Important Words

    At my granddaughter's wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married…
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    12 Reasons to be Thankful You Burned the Turkey

    1. Salmonella won't be a concern. 2. Everyone will think your turkey is Cajun blackened.…
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    Army Fib

    While my six-year-old daughter of the space age and I were reviewing some old…

* You know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.

* You chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force."

* You've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.

* It is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.

* You frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver."

* You have a pet named after a scientist.

* You laugh at jokes about mathematicians.

* You can translate English into Binary.

* You can't remember what's behind the door at the lab that says "Exit."

* You avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.

* You consider ANY non-engineering course "easy."

* When your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely that, according to Heisenberg, it could be anywhere in the universe.

* You'll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.

* The blinking 12:00 on someone's VCR draws you in like a tractor beam to fix it.

* The salesperson at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.

* You can't help eavesdropping in computer stores... and correcting the salesperson.

* You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards to see how they do the special effects.

* You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.

* You've even calculated how much you make per second.

* Your favorite James Bond character is "Q".

* You understood more than five of these jokes.

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