logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    $100 Coffee

    A street person approached a passer-by and said, "Sir, would you give me $100 for a cup…
  • Default Image

    Out of This World Bait

    My daughter-in-law Alma and grandson Eddy were digging for fishing bait in my garden.…
  • Default Image

    You're Not a Kid Anymore When

    You're not a kid anymore when ...* The only reason you're awake at 4 a.m. is…
  • Default Image

    French Dream

    A boy was having a lot of difficulty in French class.To encourage him, his teacher said,…
  • Default Image

    Get Your Own

    One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and…
  • Default Image

    Choking Fee

    When the wealthy businessman choked on a fish bone at a restaurant, he was fortunate that…
  • Default Image

    Actual Hiker Comments

    These are actual comments left last year on Forest Service registration sheets and…
  • Default Image

    Workplace Insanity

    How to keep a healthy level of insanity in the workplace…
  • Default Image

    What is Marketing?

    What is Marketing?You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am…
  • dog scotty

    Guard Dog Karate

    A young couple lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors had been robbed,…
  • Default Image

    Name Please

    A county traffic policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit.…
  • Default Image

    Chemlite Arrival

    Nights in England are coal black, making parachute jumps very difficult. We attach small…
  • Default Image

    Foot Pill

    A man limped into a hospital to have his foot X-rayed, and was asked to wait for the…
  • Default Image

    Dispatch Message

    One night at McCord Air Force Base, I was dispatched to check out the security fence…
  • Default Image

    A Great Job

    A guy came home to his wife and said, "Guess what? I've found a great job. A 10 a.m.…

My human will never let me eat their pet hamster, and I am at peace with that.

cat on roofI will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium

I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and throw them up so the humans can see that I'm getting plenty of roughage.

I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.)

I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.

We will not play "Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti" over any humans' bed while they're trying to sleep.

I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.

I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.

I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.

If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has watched a horror movie.

When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house.

It is not necessary to check every door.

I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.

When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.

I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when they are on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.

When my human is typing at the computer, their forearms are *not* a hammock.

Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.

I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has watched The Walking Dead.

I will not drag dirty socks onto the bed at night and then yell at the top of my lungs so that my humans can admire my "kill."

I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare until they wake up.

I will not walk on the key board when my human is writing important adagfsg gdjag ;ln.

Powered By JFBConnect