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    Healthy Tourism

    Mr. Peterson, a tourist from Toronto, arrived in Israel. In an airport taxi cab, Peterson…
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    Movie Breakout

    A fellow took his girlfriend to the movies. During the previews, she asked him if he…
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    Three Gifts

    Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. They discussed the gifts they…
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    Interpreting Hotel Brochures

    Old world charm ............. No bathTropical .................... RainyMajestic setting…
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    Cell Phone Flight Call

    En route to Hawaii, I noticed one of my passengers in the coach section of the airplane…
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    Forced Landing

    A flight instructor was sent out to help a student who had radioed that he was about to…
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    Welcome To The Neighborhood

    A family who had just moved into a new neighborhood was anxious to make a good…
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    Half Diet

    A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her…
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    Pastor Comeback

    A local Pastor joined a community service club, and the members thought they would have…
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    Wild Game

    I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting and fishing, my family eats a…
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    Eyes Gone

    Yesterday I went to the opticians, walked up to the counter and said to the guy on duty,…
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    Top 10 Things You'll Never Hear Dad Say

    Top 10 Things You'll Never Hear Dad Say10. Well, how 'bout that? I'm lost! Looks like…
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    Out Of Step

    As he was drilling a batch of recruits, the sergeant saw that one of them was marching…
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    Ice Cream Flavors

    The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, "What kinds of ice cream do you…
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    Sauce Control Center

    Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In her haste, however, she…

My human will never let me eat their pet hamster, and I am at peace with that.

cat on roofI will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium

I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and throw them up so the humans can see that I'm getting plenty of roughage.

I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.)

I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.

We will not play "Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti" over any humans' bed while they're trying to sleep.

I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.

I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.

I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.

If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has watched a horror movie.

When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house.

It is not necessary to check every door.

I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.

When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.

I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when they are on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.

When my human is typing at the computer, their forearms are *not* a hammock.

Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.

I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has watched The Walking Dead.

I will not drag dirty socks onto the bed at night and then yell at the top of my lungs so that my humans can admire my "kill."

I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare until they wake up.

I will not walk on the key board when my human is writing important adagfsg gdjag ;ln.

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