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More Jokes

  • jogger

    What Time Is It?

    A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He…
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    The Power of Government

    Pythagorean theorem : 24 WordsThe Lord's Prayer : 66 WordsArchimedes' Principle : 67…
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    Vacation Cut

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    Church Hopping

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  • university building

    Evaluation Excerpts

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    With Friends Like That...

    A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in two's for the day. That night one…
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    Meet the Parents

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    Cow Philosophies

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  • milestone

    Why Some Countries CAN'T Go Metric

    If the metric system did ever take over, we'd have to change our thinking to the…
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    Computer One-liners - Part 3

    Computer One-liners - Part 3Programming Department: Mistakes made while you…
  • A funny joke about a man who takes up tennis later in life.

    Tennis Talk

    A manager was told by his doctor to take up some sport for exercise so he decided to play…
  • puddle road

    Deep Trouble

    A man driving his car down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle…
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    Men, Dogs, Women

    1. How Dogs and Men Are the Same Both take up too much space on the bed.Both have…
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    Missed Cues

    This actually happend to CLeanLaugh list member Nila Wilhem. She writes, "Several years…
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    Exercise Classes

    I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing.If I *had*…

My human will never let me eat their pet hamster, and I am at peace with that.

cat on roofI will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium

I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and throw them up so the humans can see that I'm getting plenty of roughage.

I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.)

I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.

We will not play "Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti" over any humans' bed while they're trying to sleep.

I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.

I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.

I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.

If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has watched a horror movie.

When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house.

It is not necessary to check every door.

I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.

When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.

I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when they are on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.

When my human is typing at the computer, their forearms are *not* a hammock.

Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.

I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has watched The Walking Dead.

I will not drag dirty socks onto the bed at night and then yell at the top of my lungs so that my humans can admire my "kill."

I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare until they wake up.

I will not walk on the key board when my human is writing important adagfsg gdjag ;ln.

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