Randy W., of Los Angeles, put his mind to the oft-experienced problem of facing modern situations for which there are no existing words or phrases in the English language. The following are his suggestions for some situations to which we might all be able to relate.

arachnoleptic fit, n:

The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

bozone, n:

The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down at any time in the future.

cashtration, n:

The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

caterpallor, n:

The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

dopelar effect, n:

(1) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you come at them rapidly. (2) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

extraterrestaurant, n:

An eating place where you feel you've been abducted and experimented on. Also known as ETry.

Grantartica, n:

The cold, isolated place where arts companies without funding dwell.

intaxication, n:

Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

kinstirpation, n:

A painful inability to get rid of relatives who come to visit.

lullabuoy, n:

An idea that keeps floating into your head and prevents you from drifting off to sleep.