Our priest suddenly became ill and asked his twin brother, also a priest, to fill in for him and conduct a funeral Mass scheduled for that day. His brother, of course, agreed.
It was not until the brother was accompanying the casket down the aisle, however, that he realized that he had neglected to ask the sex of the deceased. This was information that he would need for his remarks during the service.
As he approached the first pew where the deceased's relatives were seated he nodded toward the casket and whispered to one woman, "Brother or sister?"
Each year, Chicago Center saves the top 20 excerpts from conversations between airline pilots and controllers...here's the top 20 from one year, taken right off the actual tapes.
"Approach, how far from the airport are we in minutes?"
"N923, the faster you go, the quicker you'll get here"
"American 220...eenie, meenie, miney, moe...how do you hear my radio?"
"Air Wisconsin 335, caution wake turbulence...there is an Air Wisconsin 345 on the frequency."
"I don't mind altitude separation as long as they're not on top of each other."
"We were told runway 9...we'll take out the 14R approach plate."
"Captain, you got 6 miles to take it out...have a ball!"
"The traffic at nine o'clock's gonna do a little Linda Rondstadt on you."
"Linda Rondstadt?!? What's that????" "Well sir....they're gonna 'Blue Bayou'!"
I can see the country club down below...looks like alot of controllers out there."
"Yes sir, there is...and they're caddying for DC-10 drivers like you!"
"Northwest 07K...you look like you're established on the localizer and I don't know the names of any of the fixes...you're cleared for the ILS approach, call tower."
"Amtram 726, sorry 'bout that...Center thought you were a Midway arrival...just sit back, relax and pass out some more cookies and we'll get you to Milwaukee."
"Approach, what's our sequence?"
"Calling for sequence, I missed your callsign...but if I find out what it is, you're last"
"Sure you can have 8 miles behind the heavy, but there'll be United Tri-jet between you and him."
"Approach, Southwest 436...you want US to turn right to 090???"
"No, I want your brother to turn...just do it and don't argue!"
"Approach, United 525...what's this aircraft doing at my altitude?"
"United 525...what makes you think it's your altitude?!?"
"Delta 1176, say speed"
"Approach, we slowed to 220" "Delta 1176, pick it back up to 250...this ain't Atlanta and those ain't grits on the ground."
"Request runway 27 right."
"Unable." "Approach...do you know that the wind at 6,000 ft is 270 at 50?"
"Yeah I do...and if we could jack the airport up to 5,500 ft, you could have that runway...expect 14 right."
"Air Force 45, it appears your engine has...oh, disregard...I see you've already ejected."
"The first officer's says he has you in sight"
"Roger, the first officer's cleared for a visual approach runway 27...YOU continue on that 180 heading and descend down to 3,000 ft."
"Hey O'Hare...you see that 7600 code flashing 5 miles NW of Gary?"
"Yeah I do...you guys talking to him?"
"Approach, what's the tower?"
"A big tall building with glass all around it..."
"How far behind traffic are we?"
"3 miles." "That doesn't look like 3 miles to us!"
"Well, you're a mile and a half from him and he's a mile and a half from you, so that's 3 miles!"
Speaking of home decorating (What, you didn't just here me speaking of decorating?), it's hard enough to mix and match basic colors without tackling the subtle nuances of paint colors.
So here is a fun exercise to see how well you know the names of different colors (offered by one paint company anyway). Just keep in mind that if you have your screen set to black and white, you aren't going to do very well.
Also, if anyone knows of the equivalent test for wallpaper, linoleum, or brickwork, please send it! I'm always looking for tests to fail.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here are some clean, theologically incorrect jokes. Most of them have been featured in the PearlyGates section of the free Cybersalt Digest Newsletter - which you can subscribe to by clicking here.
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the 