Entertainment

When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. 

The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.

He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture."

The clerk looked at his picture closely. 

"It's okay," he reassured the man, "That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway."

Jack Summers is a constructor at a building site.  One day on the site there is a massive accident and Jack has both of his ears cut off.

Jack goes through a time of deep depression, but thanks to the loving care of his family, he pulls through.  After a time of therapy, Jack decides that he'll prove everybody wrong who thought that he was good for nothing.
Jack goes into business, and becomes very successful.  He becomes so successful that he decides that he needs an assistant.

Jack was always very wary of new comers because of all the trauma he went through, so he decides to interview the applicants very thoroughly.  He decides he'll ask them 1 question and that will be the basis of him accepting them.

There are three applicants.

1) A man, very thoroughly qualified.  He goes in for the interview and Jack says : "Do you notice anything strange about me?" The man says :"Of course, you've got no ears."  Jack gets angry and throws the man out.

2) A women, even more qualified.  Jack asks the same question and receives the same answer.  She is kicked out.  Before number three goes in he sees Numbers 1 and 2 outside.  They say to him that when Jack asks him the question, whatever he says, don't say that he's got no ears.

With this in mind number 3 goes into the office.  Jack says: "So have you noticed anything strange about me?"
Number 3 looks up and says : "Yes, you are wearing contact lenses."  "Why," says Jack " you're very observant, how did you know that?"  "Well, you couldn't wear glasses without any ears could you!!"

Steve took his new wife camping for the first time. At every opportunity, he passed along outdoor-survival lore.

One day they got lost hiking in the deep woods. Steve tried the usual tactics to determine direction - moss on the trees (there was no moss), the direction of the sun (it was an overcast day).

Just as his wife was beginning to panic, Steve spotted a small cabin off in the distance. He pulled out his binoculars, studied the cabin, then turned and led his wife right back to their camp.

"That was terrific," she said, impressed. "How did you do it?"

"Simple," he replied. "In this part of the country all TV satellite dishes point south."

Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll.  One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua.  As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to drink."

The guy with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there.  We've got dogs with us."

The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead." They walked over to the restaurant and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the restaurant.

The waiter at the door said, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed."

The man with the Doberman said, "You don't understand.  This is my Seeing-Eye dog."

The waiter said, "A Doberman pinscher?"

The man said, "Yes, they're using them now.  They're very good."

The waiter said, "OK then, come on in."

The buddy with the Chihuahua figured he'd try it too so he put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the restaurant.  He knew his story would be a bit more unbelievable.  Once again the waiter said, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."

The man with the Chihuahua said, "You don't understand.  This is my Seeing-Eye dog."

The waiter said, "A Chihuahua?"

The man with the Chihuahua said, "A Chihuahua?!?  A Chihuahua?!? They gave me a Chihuahua??