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*Actual Warnings On Products*

On instructions for a hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

On a bar of Dial bath bar:
Directions: Use like regular soap.

On a frozen dinner package:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.

On a hotel-provided shower cap box:
Fits one head.

On Tesco's Tirimisu dessert:
Do not turn upside down (Printed on the bottom of the box)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.

On packaging from a Rowenta Iron.
Do not iron clothes on body.

On Boot's children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.

On a bottle of Nytol (a sleeping aid):
Warning: May cause drowsiness.

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: Keep out of children.

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.

On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: Contains nuts.

On an American Airlines package of nuts:
Instructions: Open package, eat nuts.

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

On a package of Sunmaid raisins:
Why not try tossing over your favorite breakfast cereal?

After directory assistance gave Glenda her boyfriend's new telephone number, she dialed him - and got a woman.

"Is Mike there?" Glenda asked.

"He's in the shower," she responded.

"Please tell him his girlfriend called," Glenda said and hung up.

When he didn't return the call, Glenda dialed again.

This time a man answered... "This is Mike," he said.

"Hey, you're not my boyfriend!" Glenda exclaimed.

"I know, I know," he replied. "That's what I've been trying to tell my wife for the past half-hour."

32 Ways To Annoy People

1.    Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper, 99 copies.

2.    Sit in your yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

3.    Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4.    Sing along at the opera.

5.    Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

6.    Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

7.    Practice making fax and modem noises.

8.    Highlight irrelevant material in scientific papers and them to your manager.

9.    Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."

10.    Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

11.    Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the cartridge across the room.

12.    Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

13.    Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

14.    Staple papers in the middle of the page.

15.    Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

16.    Honk and wave to strangers.

17.    Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

18.    TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.

19.    type only in lowercase.

20.    dont use any punctuation either
21.    Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

22.    Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

23.    As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

24.    Try playing the William Tell Overture (The Lone Ranger Theme) by tapping on the bottom of your chin. 
When nearly done, announce, "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

25.    TELL YOUR FRIENDS 4 DAYS PRIOR, THAT YOU CAN'T ATTEND THEIR PARTY BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT IN THE MOOD!

26.    While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

27.    Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble the answers in a notebook.  Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

28.    Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

29.    Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

You're not a kid anymore when ...

* The only reason you're awake at 4 a.m. is indigestion.

* You are proud of your lawnmower.

* 8 a.m. is your idea of "sleeping in."

* People call you at 8 p.m. and ask: "Did I wake you?"

* Your high school diploma is the color of buttermilk.

* Nobody ever tells you to slow down.

* You've seen Halley's Comet ... twice.

* You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

A woman got on a bus holding a baby.  The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.  She fumed for a few stops & started getting really worked up.  The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.  The man sympathized and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said.  "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said.  "Here, let me hold your monkey."

Subcategories

Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you?  Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.

a picture of christmas ballsWe think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.

If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!

It's your turn to be funny.  Submit your funny caption today.

Are you looking for funny elephant pictures?  You've come to the right place!

Here are the games we have on the site so far.  There aren't many but they're loads of fun.

Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow.  We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often.  Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.

dog_maggie.jpgSome say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.

It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.

Here are some clean, theologically incorrect jokes.  Most of them have been featured in the PearlyGates section of the free Cybersalt Digest Newsletter - which you can subscribe to by clicking here.

catmelonhead150x127.jpgOver the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.

And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.

When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here.  If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!

These are some of our favorite cartoons.

Our collection of puns.

Our collection of funny signs.

Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.

Here's our funny horse pictures collection.

A great collection of clean, funny one-liners! 

christmas cakeWe think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.

We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.

Merry Christmas!

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