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The Chaplain had been assigned to the ship and he noticed how much grief the cooks (Mess Specialists) caught from the crew and how they gave back as much as they got. He talked to the Food Service Officer and decided to talk to the cooks and get them to be more cheerful when they served the meals to the sailors coming down the line. A smile and a cheerful comment, a willingness to serve them will reap great benefits he told them.

After his pep talk the Food Service Officer and the Chaplain stood back and watched the food being served.

A new sailor aboard walked down the line but he didn't like anything he saw so he just carried his tray down the line till he got to the dessert section. He picked up a saucer containing a large piece of chocolate cake.

The Mess Specialist looked at him, "Is that all you're gonna eat," he asked.

The sailor said, "Yeah, the rest of it don't look too appetizing."

The Mess Specialist smiled and said, "Well, in that case would you like two pieces of cake?"

The Chaplain smiled and hit the Food Service Officer in the ribs, "I told you my talk did them some good."

The kid said, "Yeah, man, I'd appreciate it."

The cook leaned over and cut the piece of cake on the tray in half.

MILLEDGEVILLE, Ga.  (AP) - Brad Davis was training his puppy to pick up the scent of a treed raccoon when his colleague, Donnie Lamb, decided to shoot the raccoon out of the tree.  Trouble was, Davis was standing underneath it.

The 15-pound animal fell 60 feet onto his head, knocking him out and fracturing three vertebrae Dec.  17.  "I heard him shoot, and the next thing I knew, I was seeing lights shining in my eyes," said Davis, 27.

For Christmas, he got a hard hat, a raccoon cap and plenty of teasing.  "People have been picking at me bad," he said.  "A friend called me last night to go coon hunting and said I could sit in the truck and just listen to the dogs."

These are real examples from real resumes:

*Reasons For Leaving Last Job*

- Responsibility makes me nervous.

- They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions.

- Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.

- I was working for my mom until she decided to move.

- The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers.

*Job Responsibilities*

- While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.

- I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.

*Special Requests and Job Objectives*

- Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.

- My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

- I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant.

*Physical Disabilities*

- Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.

*Personal Interests*

- Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.

*Small Typos That Can Change the Meaning*

- Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.

- Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse.

- Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.

- I'm a rabid typist.

- Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.

A newly ordained preacher and his young wife were talking about being more considerate of each other.  The good wife promised that she would stop being so critical of his sleep- inducing sermons.  He, in return, promised to honor her privacy and stop looking through her dresser drawers.

The preacher was true to his word, and never looked through his wife's dresser drawers; the good wife was never openly critical of her husband's sermons; and their marriage progressed smoothly.

After 50 years, their children gave a great party to celebrate the golden anniversary of the preacher and his wife.  Many people came to congratulate the happy couple, and brought lovely gifts.

That evening, as they were putting the gifts away, the preacher saw that his wife had left one dresser drawer slightly open.  He tried as hard as he could to withstand the temptation, but he finally opened the drawer and looked inside.  There he found 3 eggs, and $10,000.00, in bills of varied denominations.  He was greatly puzzled by this, and went to question his wife.

"Oh," she said.  "Well, you remember when we spoke of being more considerate with each other all those years ago?"

The preacher, feeling profoundly guilty, answered "yes."

"Well," she continued, "I promised to stop criticizing your boring sermons, but every time you gave a sermon that was a real snoozer, I put an egg into that drawer."

The preacher smiled.  "Well, that's not so bad.  50 years of sermons and only 3 eggs!  But what about all that money?"

His wife quietly responded, "Every time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them."