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You?ll have to leave one. We'd never make it over the trees on the take off."
"That's baloney", says one of the hunters.
"Yeah," the other agrees, "you're just chicken: we came out here last year and got two moose and that pilot had some guts: He wasn't afraid to take off!"
"Yeah", said the first hunter, "and his plane wasn't any bigger than yours!"
The pilot got angry, and said, "If he did it, then I can do it. I can fly as well as anybody!" They loaded up, taxied at full throttle, and the plane almost made it, but didn't have the lift to clear the trees at the end of the lake. It clipped the tops, then flipped, then broke up, scattering the baggage, animal carcasses, and passengers all through the brush.
Still alive, but hurt and dazed, the pilot sat up, shook his head to clear it, and said, "Where are we?"
One of the hunters rolled out from being thrown into a bush, looked around, and said, "I'd say about a hundred yards further than last year."
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A lawyer had successfully handled a difficult law case for a wealthy friend. Following the happy outcome of the case, the friend and client called on the lawyer, expressed his appreciation of his work and handed him a handsome Moroccan leather wallet.
The lawyer looked at the wallet in astonishment and handed it back with a sharp reminder that a wallet could not possibly compensate him for his services. "My fee for that work," acidly snapped the attorney, "is five hundred dollars."
The client opened the wallet, removed a one-thousand dollar bill, replaced it with a five-hundred dollar bill and handed it back to the lawyer with a smile.
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Two men are walking their dogs. The first guy has a doberman, and the second guy has a chihuahua. They walk down the street and stop at a restaurant.
"Man, I could really go for a snack," says the first guy.
"So could I, but the signs says No Dogs Allowed," says the second guy.
So the first guy says: "Wait here, I have an Idea!"
The first guy with the Doberman puts on his sunglasses and walks into the restaurant and asks for a sandwich, and the waiter says: "Hey, no dogs allowed, didn't you read the signs?" The guy replies: "No, I didn't. I'm blind and this is my seeing eye dog." The waiter apologizes and serves him his drink.
The second guy watches all this, puts on his sunglasses and goes in. The waiter again says "Hey, no dogs allowed, didn't you read the sign?" The guy with the chihuahua replies: "No, I didn't. I'm blind, and this is my seeing eye dog.
"The waiter exclaims: "That little chihuahua?"
The second guy replies: "WHAT! They gave me a chihuahua?!"
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During the course of being interviewed by the press, the noted doctor was asked by a reporter: "Doctor, did you ever make a serious mistake?"
"Yes, was the reply, "I once cured a millionaire in three visits!"
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It gallops along at a steady & rhythmic pace, but the goober begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, he grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. He tries to throw his arms around the horse's neck, but he slides down the side off the horse anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up his frail grip, he leaps away from the horse to try & throw himself to safety.
Unfortunately, his foot has become entangled in the stirrup & he is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as his head is struck against the ground again & again. As his head is battered against the ground, he is mere moments away from unconsciousness when........
The Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
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