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[PearlyGates] Issue #0791

[PearlyGates] Issue #0791

The PearlyGates Newsletter

Featuring clean, theologically incorrect humor.


Issue #0791 

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News - October 31, 2019

Chicken ThursdayOh look, Chicken Thursday!

Grandma Cybersalt is returning home later today. It turns out her flight lands 4 hours sooner than we thought. I'm glad she will be home earlier, but I do wish I had made 4 hours less of a mess while she was gone!

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

~ Pastor Tim


Here is today's PearlyGates item.

Haunting Threat

cemetaryA former friend of mine was married to a great gal; unfortunately, he had to put up with his wife's mother who was a very cranky and spiteful person.

In the morning when my buddy got up to go to work, his mother-in-law would sneak around a hallway corner and hiss at him, "If you don't treat my daughter right when I die I'll dig up from the grave and haunt you!"

When the poor guy would stop in for lunch, his mother-in-law would blurt out while hiding behind a drape, "If you don't treat my daughter right when I die, I'll dig up from the grave and haunt you."

Alas, in the evening while having a well-deserved cocktail, my friend's mother-in-law would pop up from behind the bar and say, "If you don't treat my daughter right when I die, I'll dig up from the grave and haunt you."

Well, I happened to bump into my buddy a month ago at the gas station and I asked him how his mother-in-law was feeling.

He said, "She isn't feeling anything; she died two months ago!"

I quickly asked him if he was worried about her ominous threat?

He said, "No way! I buried her face down; let her dig; I don't care!"


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The PearlyGates list features material that Pastor Tim thinks is funny but would probably generate emotionally fueled feedback if sent to his other more general and family safe lists. He knows the jokes are theologically, politically, and/or socially incorrect and he’s OK with that. And yes, he would tell these jokes to his mother, his children and even his church in certain public speaking situations where he is called pastor for reasons other than the jokes he tells.


The PearlyGates Newsletter is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

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