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[PearlyGates] Issue #0792

[PearlyGates] Issue #0792

The PearlyGates Newsletter

Featuring clean, theologically incorrect humor.


Issue #0792

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News - November 7, 2019

Chicken ThursdayOh look, Chicken Thursday!

If you live in a part of the world that turns the clocks back an hour in the fall, you know we're heading into the dark days of the year. I hope you are a snug and cozy as today's chicken!

Here at Cybersalt World Headquarters, the office doors are closed and an electric cube heater is making due after the gas fireplace Grandma Cybersalt and I heat our basement with packed it in. It will be a couple of weeks until a replacement can be in place.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim


Here is today's PearlyGates item.

Ecumenical Golf

golf teeThe Pope met with his Cardinals to discuss a proposal from the leader of Israel. "Your Holiness", said one of his Cardinals, the Prime Minister wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths."

The Pope thought this was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his hand. "Don't we have a Cardinal to represent me?" he asked.

"None that plays very well," a Cardinal replied. "But," he added, "there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a Cardinal, then ask him to play as your personal representative. In addition, to showing our spirit of cooperation, we'll also win the match."

Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made. Of course, Nicklaus was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of the result. "I have some good news and some bad news, your Holiness, " said the golfer. "Tell me the good news first, Cardinal Nicklaus," said the Pope.

"Well, your Holiness, I don't like to brag, but even though I've played some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my life, this was the best I have ever played, by far. I must've been inspired from above. My drives were long and true, my irons were accurate and purposeful, and my putting was perfect. With all due respect, my play was truly miraculous.

"There's bad news?", the Pope asked.

"Yes," Nicklaus sighed. "I lost to Rabbi Tiger Woods by three strokes."


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The PearlyGates list features material that Pastor Tim thinks is funny but would probably generate emotionally fueled feedback if sent to his other more general and family safe lists. He knows the jokes are theologically, politically, and/or socially incorrect and he’s OK with that. And yes, he would tell these jokes to his mother, his children and even his church in certain public speaking situations where he is called pastor for reasons other than the jokes he tells.


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