The PearlyGates NewsletterFeaturing clean, theologically incorrect humor.
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Cybersalt News - December 5, 2019Oh look, Chicken Thursday! I don't know if you have noticed, but I have been repeating chicken pictures for a number of weeks. If you have any original Christmas Chicken pictures (a live chicken, lol) send it to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.  and I will use them right away. Amazingly there are only 2 more Chicken Thursdays before Christmas! And for those of you who don't know the origin of Chicken Thursday, you can read about that at: Enjoy the rest of today's mailing! ~ Pastor Tim Here is today's PearlyGates item.One SuitcaseThere once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him. Later an angel appeared to him and said, "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you." The man implored the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continued to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappeared and informed the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathered his largest suitcase and filled it with pure gold bars and placed it beside his bed. Soon afterwards the man died and showed up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. Seeing the suitcase Peter said, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!" But the man explained to him that he had permission and asked him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, Peter checked and came back saying, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through." Peter opened the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaimed, "You brought pavement?!!!" "Be a Billionaire"and HelpRefugees andPersecuted ChristiansThe PearlyGates list features material that Pastor Tim thinks is funny but would probably generate emotionally fueled feedback if sent to his other more general and family safe lists. He knows the jokes are theologically, politically, and/or socially incorrect and he’s OK with that. And yes, he would tell these jokes to his mother, his children and even his church in certain public speaking situations where he is called pastor for reasons other than the jokes he tells. |
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