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[PearlyGates] Issue #0802

[PearlyGates] Issue #0802

The PearlyGates Newsletter

Featuring clean, theologically incorrect humor.


Issue #0802 


Cybersalt News - February 13, 2020

chicken thursday february 13 kathie m2Oh look, Chicken Thursday - thanks again to Kathy M. for another chicken picture! Send yours to [email protected] 

There's a new funny picture on the Cybersalt Site today. You will find "No Overnight Parking" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-car-pictures/truck-alignment

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim


Here is today's PearlyGates item.

Old Testament Computing

tech circleAn old bearded shepherd, with a crooked staff, walks up to a stone pulpit and says:

And lo it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham.com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot.com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot.com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far, from town to town, with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear Dot?"

And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had, at the top price, without ever moving from his tent.

But his success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young did take to Dot.com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly to camel dung.

They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.

And lo the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would only work if you bought Brother Gates' drumsticks.

And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."

And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel--or, as it came to be known, eBay--he said, "We need a name of a service that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."

"Whoopee!" said Abraham.

"No, YAHOO!" said Dot.com.


20 billion thumb"Be a Billionaire"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

The PearlyGates list features material that Pastor Tim thinks is funny but would probably generate emotionally fueled feedback if sent to his other more general and family safe lists. He knows the jokes are theologically, politically, and/or socially incorrect and he’s OK with that. And yes, he would tell these jokes to his mother, his children and even his church in certain public speaking situations where he is called pastor for reasons other than the jokes he tells.


The PearlyGates Newsletter is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

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