One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, South Carolina, was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them,

"There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!"

Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?"

Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison,

"Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"

If everything goes perfectly, something's wrong.

A farmer called his pig Ball Point.

Well, it wasn't its real name, just a pen name.

"Conspiracy theories are a convenient alternative to an uncertain world."

- Unknown

When I worked for the security department of a large retail store, my duties included responding to fire and burglar alarms. A side door of the building was wired with a security alarm, because it was not supposed to be used by customers.

Nevertheless they found the convenience of the exit tempting. Even a sign with large red letters, warning "Alarm will sound if opened," failed to deter people from using it. One day, after attending to a number of shrieking alarms, I placed a small handmade sign on the door that totally eliminated the problem:

"Wet paint."