Liz goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it.

Liz walks over to the artist and says, "I don't understand your paintings."

"I paint what I feel inside me," explains the artist.

Liz couldn't help blurting out, "Maybe you should try Alka-Seltzer."

I'm gonna work on being less condescending. (Condescending means to talk down to people.)

A policeman stops a speeding car and tells the woman driver; "When I saw you driving down the road, I thought to myself, 'sixty-five at least.'"

The woman replied: "I don't think that is quite fair. I think this hat makes me look older."

"In the early stages of our Christian life, we do not watch with Jesus, we watch for Him."

- Oswald Chambers

Our Lamaze class included a tour of the pediatric wing of the hospital. When a new baby was brought into the nursery, all the women tried to guess its weight, but the guy standing next to me was the only male to venture a number.

"Looks like 9 pounds," he offered confidently.

"This must not be your first," I said.

"Oh, yes," he said. "It's my first."

"Then how would you know the weight of a baby?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I'm a fisherman."