A long time ago, when milk was delivered to the door by a milkman, people would sometimes leave notes. The following are some of those notes received by milkmen and preserved for our entertainment today.

"Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one."

"Please leave an extra pint of paralyzed milk."

"Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it"

"Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk."

"Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks."

"Sorry about yesterday's note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round."

"When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress."

My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle."

"Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbor told me."

"Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it."

"From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk."

My back door is open. Please put milk in fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table, because we want to play bingo tonight."

"Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday or is it today?"

"When you come with the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don't leave any milk."

"No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice."

Whoever decided a Liquor Store is more essential than a Hair Salon is obviously a bald-headed alcoholic.

"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good for a while, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."

~Mitch Hedberg

"Pain demands to be felt, or it will demand you feel nothing at all."

- Natasha Robinson

My mother was recently on a flight returning from Utah. As the plane was a small puddle jumper, the flight attendants were required to demonstrate the life vest, the oxygen mask, etc. instead of turning on a video.

After they finished their presentation, one of them said "To those of you who listened, thank you. To those of you who ignored us, good luck."