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[PearlyGates] Issue #0732


The PearlyGates Newsletter

Featuring clean, theologically incorrect humor.

Issue #0732

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News - July 26, 2018

20 billion thumbOh look, Chicken Thursday!

This weeks news is longer than I usually like it to be, but last Sunday I said that today I would reveal the secret of the 52.19 trillion tally and it requires a few more paragraphs than usual.. Here we go, lol, hang in there with me!

Cybersaltine, Mark R., contacted me a couple of weeks ago and offered me trillions of dollars in Zimbabwean currency to help Cybersalt's ministry to persecuted Christians. At first I kind of thought if he pulled my other leg it would play Jingle Bells, but after a bit of back and forth I learned some things and I saw the fun and novelty of his idea for this "Be a Billionaire" fundraiser.

What I learned was that in 2008 the inflation rate in Zimbabwe was 79,600,000,000 percent. Yes you read that correctly - 79.6 billion percent! In the midst of that economic environment the Zimbabwean government issued paper currency in denominations of billions and trillions. However, those soon became worthless and were abandoned. To this day Zimbabwe does not have a national currency. A curious thing happened though: people started collecting these crazy bills as collector and/or novelty items. And that is how I have come to have over 52 trillion worthless dollars sitting next to me as I type this.

So here is how this "Be a Billionaire" fundraiser works. In return for a donation that will go to help persecuted Christians around the world, you'll be sent an actual, general circulation, novelty Zimbabwean bill. What a great gift to get for someone who has everything - except billions! You can order multiple bills of different denominations if you like. So far I only have individual, non-sequential serial numbered bills set up in the store. In the next few days I'll also be adding some of the bills that do have sequential serials numbers and make up sets - or you can email me if you are looking for something a bit more novel like that. To see pictures of this funny money, head on over to the store at:

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing! 

~ Pastor Tim

Here is today's PearlyGates item.

Church Feud

choirChurch Feud (My apologies to those whose church is like this)

Church feuds are not uncommon, especially among cliques in the congregation. But when the pastor and choir director get into it, stand aside.

One week our preacher preached on commitment, and how we should dedicate ourselves to service. The director then led the choir in singing, 'I Shall Not Be Moved.'

The next Sunday, the preacher preached on giving and how we should gladly give to the work of the Lord. The choir director then led the song, 'Jesus Paid It All.'

The next Sunday, the preacher preached on gossiping and how we should watch our tongues. The hymn was 'I Love To Tell The Story.'

The preacher became disgusted over the situation, and the next Sunday he told the congregation he was considering resigning. The choir then sang 'Oh, Why Not Tonight.'

When the preacher resigned the next week, he told the church that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was taking him away. The choir then sang, 'What A Friend We Have in Jesus.'

The PearlyGates list features material that Pastor Tim thinks is funny but would probably generate emotionally fueled feedback if sent to his other more general and family safe lists. He knows the jokes are theologically, politically, and/or socially incorrect and he’s OK with that. And yes, he would tell these jokes to his mother, his children and even his church in certain public speaking situations where he is called pastor for reasons other than the jokes he tells.

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