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[PearlyGates] Issue #0737

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The PearlyGates Newsletter

Featuring clean, theologically incorrect humor.


Issue #0737

 
Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News - August 30, 2018

20 billion thumbOh look, Chicken Thursday!

There are still billions waiting to make you no richer on earth. In return for a donation that will go to help persecuted Christians around the world, you'll be sent an actual, general circulation, novelty Zimbabwean bill. You can order multiple bills of different denominations (sorry, we're out of Baptist ones) if you like. To see pictures of this funny money, head on over to the store at:
www.cybersalt.org/inspiration/be-a-billionaire-fund-raiser

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing! 

~ Pastor Tim


Here is today's PearlyGates item.

Not in the Book

pearly gatesA guy arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the guy's name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, "I'm sorry, I don't see your name written in the Book."

"How current is your copy?" he asks.

"I get a download every fifteen minutes." St. Peter replies, "Why do you ask?"

"I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I was always the stubborn type. It was not until my death was imminent that I cried out to God, so my name probably hasn't arrived to your copy yet."

"I'm glad to hear that, "Pete says, "but while we're waiting for the update to come through, can you tell me about a really good deed that you did in your life?"

The guys thinks for a moment and says, "Hmmm, well there was this one time when I was driving down a road and I saw a group of biker gang members harassing a woman. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they were, about 20 of them harassing this poor woman. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy; 6-foot-4, 260 pounds, with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ears. As I walked up to the leader, the bikers formed a circle around me and told me to get lost or I'd be next."

"So I ripped the leader's chain out of his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of SICK, deranged animals! Go home before I really teach you a lesson in PAIN!'"

St. Peter, duly impressed, says "Wow!  When did this happen"

"About six minutes ago." 

The PearlyGates list features material that Pastor Tim thinks is funny but would probably generate emotionally fueled feedback if sent to his other more general and family safe lists. He knows the jokes are theologically, politically, and/or socially incorrect and he’s OK with that. And yes, he would tell these jokes to his mother, his children and even his church in certain public speaking situations where he is called pastor for reasons other than the jokes he tells.

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bk billy graham angels

  

“If we had open spiritual eyes we would see not only a world filled with evil spirits and powers―but also powerful angels with drawn swords, set for our defense.”

―Billy Graham

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The PearlyGates Newsletter is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt Communications
www.cybersalt.org

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