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[PearlyGates] Issue #0739

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The PearlyGates Newsletter

Featuring clean, theologically incorrect humor.


Issue #0739

 
Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News - September 13, 2018

chicken familyOh look, Chicken Thursday!

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing! 

~ Pastor Tim


Here is today's PearlyGates item.

Things Not to Say to Your Pregnant Wife

pregnancy*Things Not To Say to Your Pregnant Wife*

17.  "I finished the Oreos"

16.  "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds."

15.  "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that [insert beautiful movie actress' name here] had a baby!"

14.  "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"

13.  "Well, couldn't they induce labor?  The 25th is the Super Bowl"

12.  "I'd be surprised if you ain't about 5 pounds away from a surprize visit from that Richard Simmons fella.'
 
11.  "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea.  Boy, that's gotta hurt!"

10.  "Whoa!  For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"

9.  "I'm jealous!  Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?

8.  "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"

7.  "Get your *own* ice cream."

6.  "Wow, you're awfully puffy looking today!"

5.  "Got milk?"

4.  "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."

3.  "Man!  That rose tattoo on your calf is the size of Madagascar!"

2.  "Retaining water?  Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."

...  and...

1.  "You don't have the guts to throw that..........."

 

The PearlyGates list features material that Pastor Tim thinks is funny but would probably generate emotionally fueled feedback if sent to his other more general and family safe lists. He knows the jokes are theologically, politically, and/or socially incorrect and he’s OK with that. And yes, he would tell these jokes to his mother, his children and even his church in certain public speaking situations where he is called pastor for reasons other than the jokes he tells.

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