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[PearlyGates] Issue #0744

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The PearlyGates Newsletter

Featuring clean, theologically incorrect humor.


Issue #0744

 
Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News - November 1, 2018

bocc bird in cageOh look, Chicken Thursday!

You can still help a refugee and become a billionaire - and no, I am not preaching the blasphemous prosperity gospel!

https://www.cybersalt.org/inspiration/be-a-billionaire-fund-raiser

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing! 

~ Pastor Tim


Here is today's PearlyGates item.

Smoke Support

computer stress(This joke applies to a time long ago, but just go with it. Some things never change!)

After experiencing difficulties with his computer, a poor, in-cognizant user called the system maker's technical support line for assistance...

Technician: Hello.  How can I help you today?

Customer: There's smoke coming from the power supply on my computer...

Technician: Looks like you need a new power supply...

Customer: No, I don't!  I just need to change the startup files...

Technician: Sir, what you described is a faulty power supply. You need to replace it...

Customer: No way!  Someone told me that I just had to change the system startup files to fix the problem!  All I need is for you to tell me the right command...

For the next ten minutes, in spite of the technician's efforts to explain the problem and its solution, the customer adamantly insisted that he was right. So, in frustration, the technician responded...

Technician: I'm sorry.  We don't normally tell our customers this, but there's an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem...

Customer: I knew it!

Technician: Just add the line 'LOAD NOSMOKE.COM' at the end of the CONFIG.SYS file and everything should work fine.  Let me know how it goes...

About ten minutes later, the technician received a call back from the customer...

Customer: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking...

Technician: Well, what version of DOS are you using?

Customer: MS-DOS 6.22...

Technician: Well, that's your problem. That version of DOS doesn't include NOSMOKE. You'll need to contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch. Let me know how it all works out...

When nearly an hour had passed, the phone rang again...

Customer: I need a new power supply...

Technician: How did you come to that conclusion?

Customer: Well, I called Microsoft and told the technician what you said, and he started asking me questions about the make of the power supply.

Technician: What did he tell you?

Customer: He said my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE...

The PearlyGates list features material that Pastor Tim thinks is funny but would probably generate emotionally fueled feedback if sent to his other more general and family safe lists. He knows the jokes are theologically, politically, and/or socially incorrect and he’s OK with that. And yes, he would tell these jokes to his mother, his children and even his church in certain public speaking situations where he is called pastor for reasons other than the jokes he tells.

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