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[PearlyGates] Issue #0754

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The PearlyGates Newsletter

Featuring clean, theologically incorrect humor.


Issue #0754 

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News - January 10, 2019

Chicken Thursday jan 10Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim


Here is today's PearlyGates item.

Telegram Scare

garmentsSchwartz and Feldman, partners in the garment industry, had just suffered through their worst season ever. Eight thousand madras sports coats were hanging on the rack unsold, and bankruptcy was looming closer each day.

Out of the blue, in walked a buyer from Australia. He began, "You boys wouldn't happen to have any madras sports coats, would you? I've been looking for them everywhere."

Schwartz said there MIGHT be a few left, and soon a deal was made whereby the eight thousand jackets would be shipped to Australia at a handsome profit.

"There is one thing though," said the Australian buyer. "For an order this large, I'll have to get a confirmation from my home office. I don't anticipate any problem, and unless I send you a telegram by this Friday, the deal goes through as planned."

Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday passed slowly, with the partners nervously waiting to see if the Australian would change his mind. Friday morning went by without incident. Schwartz and Feldman were closing up shop when, at five minutes to five, there was a knock on the door: "Telegram!"

The partners froze. Trembling, Feldman grabbed the telegram and opened it.

Suddenly, his face lit up. "Schwartz, GREAT NEWS! Your brother died!"


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The PearlyGates list features material that Pastor Tim thinks is funny but would probably generate emotionally fueled feedback if sent to his other more general and family safe lists. He knows the jokes are theologically, politically, and/or socially incorrect and he’s OK with that. And yes, he would tell these jokes to his mother, his children and even his church in certain public speaking situations where he is called pastor for reasons other than the jokes he tells.


The PearlyGates Newsletter is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

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