My Town Is So Tough It Has...

- Hotels that ask your name, address and next of kin to register

- Gun shops that have "Back to School" sales

- Restaurants that serve broken leg of lamb

- Bowling alleys where most people bowl overhand

- Schools that require a sick note co-signed by a parole officer

- Christmas pageants that feature the three Wise Guys

- Advice columns with hints like how to get blood off of a chain saw

- A 911 emergency service with a two day waiting list

- "Honor students" who practice saying "Yes/No, your honor"

- Mothers who give their kids $5 every day for the holdup man

- Forgery 101 and Advanced Counterfeiting are required subjects